10 Red Flags You're in a Toxic Marriage
Iconic Media is the Number 1 Hub for Marriage Success and Empowerment
Good Thursday, Icons,
Welcome to all new Iconic newsletter subscribers. Welcome to Iconic Media, I am your hosts Nicole Pinkston aka Mrs. Pinky.
I hope you are over the bulk of your week and making it to your April goals.
Lots of us have sick and hurting loved ones so make sure you tell someone you love them today before it is too late.
We are seeing many people make excuses for very toxic behavior in relationships and marriage.
Today’s post, we are throwing out the red flags and letting you know what to look out for.
But before we jump into that I have exciting news:
Iconic Media is giving away Print books!
I have been selected to have my two books, “Breaking Fear” and “Iconic” shown at my local library.
As a gift for the consideration, we are raising funds to help 100 locals get one of either book for free.
A $10 or more donations will get us closer to helping Georgia locals Break Fear and to have Iconic marriages to grow legacies and more.
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10 Red Flags You're in a Toxic Marriage
We wanted to give out more RedFlags that new couples may avoid altogether or that can crop up over a lifetime of marriage that can cause divorce.
We are not talking about obvious things like infidelity or abuse.
We are talking about other less obvious things or the things we just do not prepare for in advance that can shock us if we run into it.
People are humans. But we should not tolerate behaviors that can end us up on the Investigation Discovery channel and/or in the morgue.
Marriage is serious business and everyone diving in must take it seriously.
There are some things you can look out for an prepare in your heart and mind how to deal with them should they arrive at your door.
And we love to hear from you. Remember, Iconic Media is a community in which we pull conversations from one another to help uplift each other. Your comments may also help me create content that is specific to you.
Red Flag #1: Addictions
An addiction can destroy an otherwise healthy marriage and family relationships can go down in flames. Addictions to pornography can make sexual expectations impossible to reach and lead to unsatisfaction no matter what you do.
Drug and alcohol abuse can involve domestic violence and the criminal justice system. Food addiction is one rare one that many couples might face as they get comfortable going out to eat and all the American holidays that surround food. Some people can be addicted to food and put a strain on mental, physical and spiritual health with medical bills, therapy costs and other issues.
There are resources available to help you if you or a love struggles with gambling, drug, or other types of addictions and wish to stop.
Red Flag #2: Not Taking Care of Yourself
Self-love is important. We know, it is busy trying to have a good career, get a good education, raise kids, manage a household.
But work on you. You can only be good to others when you are first good to yourself.
Disclaimer: I struggle with my weight. I have PTSD and Major Depression.
Yet, I have been to therapy for my mental diagnosis, and I am on a new fitness/weight loss program.
Sometimes you don’t need to be at your goal for your spouse to stick by you if they see you are trying to do better.
It is when you are not making an effort or actively sabotaging yourself and others that a problem arises.
Again, reach out to many organizations that can help you and/or your spouse get help.
Red Flag #3: Neglect
You cannot forget your marriage. That means ignoring your spouse being burned out, not helping out with chores or not spending time with intimacy. You can neglect your relationship by not making it priority. Everything you do from your career to your kids is out of the love and marriage that you two have built. It is imperative that you maintain it and water it like a plant for it to stay strong.
Red Flag #4: Working Individually
Teamwork makes the dream work. It is “us” and “We” not “I” and “me”. While you don’t stop being individuals, a couple’s goal is that everything works together for the union and family as a whole. When I see divorcees say they left to “find themselves” it is weird to me because all that you do for yourself benefits the family. I do not know how you have to be single or break up your household in order to win. Yes, marriage is interdependent but not co-dependent meaning you are still unquestionably you and in that you serve your marriage. Never forget what you’ve built to get where you are with your spouse’s help.
Red Flag #5: Poor Money Management
Wealth creations should work in a strong successful marriage. You need to be fully running on a budget and managing expenses while lowering debts. That is impossible with a mate that cannot make money work for you and instead it works against you. We know times are tough and nothing is worse than someone bring you down instead of being the helpful mate that they are in reality.
Remember, you can do bad by yourself.
Red Flag #6: Score Keeping
As the Icon in my comments put perfectly: “It is a partnership, not a competition”.
You have to stop tallying up the score. Who does what more than who? Who is working the hardest, bringing in the most cash, or watching the kids more? You should not know. If you do, there is an imbalance that makes it obvious someone is working harder. But if each of you are doing the job of a spouse, then kiss them and say thank you. We can spend all day counting up the cost or enjoying what we have built when we each contribute 100% of the time.
Red Flag #7: Lack of Communication
Communication is such an important skill that it is another article in our Iconic newsletter. For paid subscribers you can open the one on sexual communication to understand how uniquely this one is to the relationship.
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Any relationship requires good communication skills. One must speak up and speak well if they want to be heard. “Closed mouths don’t get feed”. People are not mind readers and cannot help you if you don't speak up for yourself. Stop assuming that they should know. They do not.
Just tell them.
Red Flag #8: Unforgiving
The Law of Forgiveness is a spiritual law that says that we are to forgive others as Christ forgives us. It is a tough one when someone has hurt us deeply and lovers can do that. But we also know that we are human, and we will ask for it from a small apology or maybe a big accident from being on a phone. Forgiveness is for the one forgiving not necessarily for the one who needs it. It releases that actions hold on you. You are two unique people binding yourselves together, so you are bound to make mistakes. Be forgiving when you can.
Red Flag #9: Constant Criticism
Trust me, you have flaws too. Constantly nagging and complaining is not a fun environment or a peaceful household. No one wants to hear all the things they do wrong over and over again EVEN if they are correct. This is something that people do not understand: People only change what they want to change.
If you didn’t look out for red flags when you got married chances are those things won’t change. You have to do the work beforehand or you will be set up to play this game for a longtime.
Nagging never works or draws someone to you. Instead of posting on social media or making a TikTok about what your spouse does to make them look bad in public for sympathy, go take to them. And bring an alternative solution with you that can soften the blow because you have an idea what might be a better way.
Red Flag #10: The Wedding is the Endgame
You have just gotten the ring. Now what? The fun of being married is just starting. Thinking the wedding day (and night) makes you married is silly. You actually have to do the grind of the daily 24/7 to truly being in a marriage. Everyone is at their best in the beginning: sex every day, put together and niceness abound. But how are you 5 years in?
It is that daily grind that does break some down. Those who did not fortify their minds, did no internal work beforehand and did not talk to elders are in for a shock.
Don’t worry, Iconic Media has you covered.
Iconic Formula for Marriage Success
In June we are doing a 30 day e-Course to empower you to be ready for the long-haul
This 30-day online course will teach you and your spouse 12 foundational principles to help you map a 25-year success plan for your marriage.
Core lessons include:
How to Cultivate the Mindset for a Successful Marriage
How to Develop the Mental Fortitude to Combat Marriage Challenges
How to Develop Your Marriage’s Vision and Mission Plan
How to Practice Self-Love So You Know How Best to Love Your Spouse
How to Develop a Financial Plan for Your Social Empire’s Success
How to Develop Effective Communication Strategies Based on Your Spouse’s Preferred Methods and more!
At the end of this empowering course, you will receive:
A master blueprint for success in your marriage
An online support network to collaborate with other couples.
And an exclusive invitation to join Iconic’s 12-month marriage coaching program.
This new course is in beta stage, and this will be the first launch.
As such, you have the opportunity to take full advantage of being among the first group to test this course and to receive lifetime access to its current and updated material.
The final course price will be $300.
Premium Course Rate: Register at the button right now for $100 and start when we launch.
Here’s how to get started:
Click the button and pay $100 or more towards Iconic today.
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Takeaways
Marriage is not easy and there are things other that abuse and infidelity that can lead a spouse to file for divorce (even if you disagree).
We have to be conscious of those things that can hurt our spouses and destroy the Iconic bonds we are creating to endure this life and all that comes with it.
We can have a successful marriage despite the naysayers, influencers and content creators to the contrary.
You just have to do the work and be Iconic.
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Well done, Nicole! I really like the introduction in the beginning of your posts, too.
I have to admit that I’m guilty of a couple of those items myself from time to time.
My husband and I were 2 years into our divorce when we decided it was a really dumb idea and reconciled! Praise Jesus! It was all Him.
One of the big take-aways from that very close call is having an eternal perspective. In the moment everything seems insurmountable. Viewing marriage from the eternal perspective gives our problems less focus and prioritizes the end game. Staying together and actively loving our spouse.
That’s just one little take away from my near divorce encounter. It’s been 13 years since we reconciled and our marriage is better because of our struggle.
Thanks, Nicole! Keep up the amazing work! I’m enjoying you off twitter so much! Still enjoying you in twitter as well.