Back to the Basics: Top 5 Benefits of Dealing with Marital Loneliness
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Happy Monday, Icons,
We are back for a new week of empowering content and support for couples ready to have an Iconic marriage of their dreams.
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This series “Back to the Basics” talks about topics that seem like couples should know already but might feel like we need to bring them up again.
These topics are important even for seasoned couples who might get caught up in their daily routines and want to fix what they have or improve upon what they are already doing.
We call all use a relationship “Pick me Up” every now and again.
So, let’s dive in.
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Back to the Basics: Top 5 Benefits of Dealing with Marital Loneliness
I heard someone on YouTube say that some of the loneliest people today are already married.
This was in response to the Surgeon General’s warning of a loneliness epidemic sweeping the United States, and it has been costly.
There is the risk of premature death. There is an increased chance of heart disease. Loneliness is associated with increases in anxiety, dementia, and depression, as noted in the excerpt above. And loneliness can potentially undermine your bodily protective mechanisms and make you susceptible to debilitating sickness and disease.
U.S. Surgeon General Warns Of Loneliness Epidemic And Some Say That Generative AI ChatGPT Is The Cure (forbes.com)
And that had me thinking: Does loneliness exist in marriage and what can we do to deal with this before we end up in divorce court?
Loneliness does exist among marriage couples, and it is alarming.
Marital Loneliness:
Almost a third, or 31%, of married people 45 years old and older report being lonely, according to a 2018 national survey of adults conducted by the AARP. Marriage loneliness is common: Why it happens and how to speak up (today.com)
This seems to be a problem hitting couples today and it is a pressing issue.
Sometimes couple put pressure on their relationship to fix internal issues or think it has to be more than what it is.
This past weekend, I was shocked about how many men and women thought that husbands had no obligation to meet their wives’ emotional needs.
And now I wonder how many men and women feel lonely because of these ideas.
Further, when I remembered the Bible told men to love women as they loved themselves, maybe some of these men aren’t meeting their own needs to begin with.
So, we have men and women having unfulfilled emotional needs being sad and unloved in their own home.
This is not good.
The absence of not meeting each other needs is leaving the individual feeling lonely, with no attention or affection, the basis of emotional needs is growing dangerously high.
The feelings of being wanted, desired and needed make a healthy relationship and we must do something before it is too late.
How does this happen?
Couples can begin to live like roommates handling all the adult stuff but walk and live passed each other as if their intimate interdependence is fleeting.
Some of the reasons you feel lonely could include:
Ambivalence: One partner provides low support but high strain. It can leave you feeling torn between the good and bad of your relationship.
Indifference: One partner provides low support and minimal strain. They may offer little help but don’t make demands, causing feelings of neglect and loneliness.
Aversion: Negative behaviors aren’t followed by positive ones, continually harming the relationship quality. This situation could feel lonelier than any of the others.
Relationship Real Talk: Loneliness in Marriage (psychcentral.com)
Well, we are here to help.
We don’t want lonely marriage or people just coupling up for the sake of it due to societal pressures.
Here are the five benefits with addressing and dealing with loneliness in marriage:
Benefit #1: Increases Connectivity
Dealing with loneliness in marriage can undo the negative feelings and effects. You then increase the connective you and your spouse share through intimacy, more memories and being vulnerable with them.
Your spouse is supposed to be the person you can go to with negative feelings and then you two together.
This makes you feel secure, caring about them and making them feel special.
Benefit #2: Increases Awareness
Sometimes you can be oblivious to problems in your marriage just because no one is saying anything. When you bring up the feelings of loneliness, the spouse then begins to access how they can help. Then the new ideas of a different job, more fun activities, including reaching out to kids or adult children come up.
Problems tend to fester because some people rather not do the hard work of dealing with them head on.
Having self-awareness allows us to be able to home in on our own actions and to take personal responsibility for ways we can make things better.
Couples sometimes don’t want to risk an argument or seeming like the bad guy so you keep those thoughts inside. No.
Healthy couples talk and communicate often. They are open and honest, vulnerable even trusting their spouse to hear them and help them out.
When you deal with problems, you are more likely to find the solutions are not out of your reach once you face them.
Benefit #3: Increases Noticing the Little Things
When you are ready to deal with this loneliness, you start to notice the little things in your relationship. You can tell when your spouse is working hard, being kind, and thinking of you when you aren’t around.
It is easy to forget how they cook your favorite food, buys you something on a random day or the check in to ask you are you okay.
When you have a Vision or Mission Statement for your marriage, you have goals aligned with your mate that tells you where you are working.
We plan to buy land someday so each gesture to save money, look up land buying videos and doing the research means we each are working towards a goal we share.
Benefit #4: Increases your own Actions
Once you start to notice small or big problems in your marriage you jump into action. Facing issues as they arrive may change your behavior. You start to say thank you more, you lend a hand, you volunteer to take a task off their plate so they can rest.
You watch the kids for them to be unbothered for a few hours, you rub their feet after a long day of work and you do may change your tone for more peaceful conversations.
One thing we like to do is watch shows together at night and we take turn. He will watch one of my Crime Documentaries or I will watch a Sci-Fi movie. If we are very tired we will put on Bob Ross and hope the Happy little Trees help us get a good night’s sleep.
We tend to increase our capacity to do things when we are aware a need is there. We didn’t marry to be lonely, so we activate to support our spouse.
Love is an action word and it is a daily thing.
Benefit #5: Increases Getting out of your Comfort Zone
When you get in a bout of loneliness, it might be the mundane things of life that become too repetitive and boring. This awareness that we now have about the loneliness and the readiness to take action has us looking at new ways to keep our relationship on fire.
This might mean taking new trips, doing new things, trying new cooking recipes, anything to bring a spark back to our union.
I am afraid of heights. But to have fun in Tennessee, I had to get our of my fear and ride in a car around winding roads on the side of a mountain. And I did it so our little family could enjoy a much needed vacation.
When we step outside of ourselves, our loved ones notice the sacrifices we are willing to make steeped in our love for them.
If I didn’t get past my fears, I wouldn’t be able to fly to new countries, visit my folks or to take make these kinds of memories with my husband and kids.
Your comfort zone can be a prison that increases loneliness if you stay stuck.
Be free and help your marriage soar.
Final Thoughts
Most marital loneliness is not something each spouse does wrong but can seep in as the longevity becomes unnoticeable and the day-today work takes up our time.
We have to be conscious of what is happening in our household, actively in tune with the emotions of those around us and ourselves.
That takes stopping tasks, taking breaks and actively listening even to the children.
We pick up signals by observing and talking often while being genuine not to judge if some says they are not okay.
To have the types of relationships that are not only working but thriving we must factor in how our emotions do matter too.
Don’t be lonely, be ever present and working.
And in everything you do, be Iconic.
Solutions: We are moving into the online e-Course space to help you win.
That is right, you have seen in many newsletters that we are presenting a solution for 10-20 real world couples in 2023: “The Iconic Formula for Marriage Success” 30-day program in June.
Building that program costs money. And this is your opportunity to help us be the counterculture in 2023 to the mainstream narratives about relationships, family, marriage and love.
This 30-day online course will teach you and your spouse 12 foundational principles to help you map a 25-year success plan for your marriage.
Core lessons include:
How to Cultivate the Mindset for a Successful Marriage
How to Develop the Mental Fortitude to Combat Marriage Challenges
How to Develop Your Marriage’s Vision and Mission Plan
How to Practice Self-Love So You Know How Best to Love Your Spouse
How to Develop a Financial Plan for Your Social Empire’s Success
How to Develop Effective Communication Strategies Based on Your Spouse’s Preferred Methods and more!
At the end of this empowering course, you will receive:
A master blueprint for success in your marriage
An online support network to collaborate with other couples.
And an exclusive invitation to join Iconic’s 12-month marriage coaching program.
This new course is in beta stage, and this will be the first launch.
As such, you have the opportunity to take full advantage of being among the first group to test this course and to receive lifetime access to its current and updated material.
The final course price will be $300.
Premium Course Rate: Register at the button right now for $100 and start when we launch.
Here’s how to get started:
Click the button and pay $100 or more towards Iconic today.
I, Nicole Pinkston, will send you a follow-up email to join our private network, Iconic Media.
On June 1, 2023, you will receive full access to the online course inside the network.
Each day, Nicole will lead you in an online discussion about marriage and how to strengthen yours.
You will be sent “Iconic” the eBook if you don’t not already have it as a paid subscriber to this newsletter.
News: If you have a community group, church, youth organization or more that maybe interested in a collaboration and discount for the new marriage e-Course, tell them about us here at Iconic Media.
They can reach out to me at: nicole.pinkston1@gmail.com to setup group training events and get discounts through my affiliate program.