Be ICONIC: Having Healthy Relationships in an ERA of needed Change
Welcome to Iconic!
This newsletter is to engage purposely in building healthy marriages that will last generations and foster dynasties.
I am your host, Nicole Pinkston aka Mrs_Pinky and thank you for being here.
INTRODUCTION
In 2011, after suffering a miscarriage and contemplating ending my own life, I was ready to die.
But through a series of events, I decided to live again. I decided that in order for my life to matter, I had to fight for it. Which meant taking control and being the leader of my own being.
That meant deciding then and there what I wanted out of myself and the relationships around me.
I demanded to be a wife at this time.
No, I did not do everything the traditional path because I had lost myself in the world and my values were on the back burner.
I did not expect to find love again after a series of trials and tribulations that were of my own doing and that of others. And in that series of mistakes, I have given up on love and given up on me.
And yet, it happened. I found love.
And we did everything out of the traditional order. So, at this time of finally deciding to live on purpose, I decided that the first thing I deserved was to be his wife.
I wanted to be a wife.
I became Mrs_Pinky on April 25th, 2011, getting married at the courthouse in Georgia so there was no wasted time or money on the decision.
There was no grand wedding, and we didn't even have our rings at the time.
I wanted us to stop living unmarried and we just went and did it.
We are on vacation from our military jobs, I was already about 1 month pregnant with our son, nothing was stopping us. Both sides of our families already knew us both and my father already approved of us both.
I am sure, he probably didn't like our initial arrangement, but dad let us be adults and make decisions on our own.
Fast forward to today almost 12 years later and we have two children, a nice house, vehicles and been married for 11 years.
And it has been wonderful.
Deciding that my life mattered pushed me to do more for my family, for my children and in my marriage.
We have taken vacations, we have loved and lost, we have had health scares that we still deal with.
Yet, we live on purpose!
That is the definition of ICONIC. Doing things with intention, doing things that are designed to leave a legacy working toward a goal.
Creating Something NEW
In 2018, I decided to take my online political influence into the podcasting arena and started and audio and visual podcast discussing politics. That was the same time a mid-term election was going on. MRS_PINKY Thoughts | Podcast on Spotify
Since then, I have been actively involved in politics working hard every day to help win the hearts and minds of the people to activate in their local and to help fix America by doing the work. Mrs_Pinky Thoughts (consciousconservativemedia.net)
Taking my own advice, I linked up with Coach Felecia Killings of the Felecia Killings Foundation and Conscious Conservative Movement becoming the media manager in a grassroots effort to getting Black voters political tangibles from politicians.
In doing this, I just recently published my book through her Foundation "Breaking Fear" in which I talk about why I was so sad in 2011 and wanted to die.
*Receive instantly with a preorder to my newest book Mrs. Pinky’s Thoughts at the link at the bottom of this piece.
In the training for this book, a new vision broke free: Fixing the Institute of Marriage.
You can watch that vision come alive in the video replay of that training (11) The Write Conservative: A 4-Week Intensive Course for Aspiring Authors - YouTube
Conservatives conserve nothing. They do not dominate in any space.
Sonnie Johnson from Sirius XM's Sonnie's Corner on 125 Patriot always suggest that we take over somewhere and get active.
And yes, I was already doing that.
But during my conservation with coach, I was wondering what area I could really influence.
And it hit me: I could help reshape the negative perceptions about marriage, help couples and those looking for love and help create dialogue that changes an institution.
You see marriage is the first community. Your household is the first government you know. Whomever raises you is your first encounter with authority.
Family is where the heart of a nation is and where it starts.
Therefore, I created the Vision for Iconic. Because I did not want to just jump in this arena and couple people up.
NO, too many already do that.
The vision is to help build something on solid ground. To make dynamic noticeable change.
And that is exactly what we are going to do here.
According to the CDC marriage numbers are not looking that great.
Number of marriages: 1,676,911
Marriage rate: 5.1 per 1,000 total population
Number of divorces: 630,505 (45 reporting States and D.C.)
Divorce rate: 2.3 per 1,000 population (45 reporting States and D.C.)
That means that couples have a 50% chance of making it if they do decide to tie the knot.
That is the equivalent of flipping a coin.
Do you want to leave your legacy and generations up to chance?
I did not think so and you should have to do that.
People are lost and need somewhere to get advice and help. And we are going to do just that.
But MRS_Pinky you have called the relationship arena toxic before?
I have. The messaging coming out of the relationship sphere has been bad.
Women don't need men
Women are "Pick Me's" if they support men
Black Women must divest from Black men and date outside their race
Men and Women can't make marriage work in a monogamous way
Men can't keep it in their pants and remain faithful
Men are all dogs
The infighting between men and woman has been horrid.
The lack of accountability of women, the weakness to lead of men, the disconnect of the two sides that need each other is apparent.
A recent post by a supposed therapist that dogged our Black men that were her clients went viral for her disgusting takes and her immodest dress.
It got so bad that she was eventually fired and continued to justify her toxicity on her TikTok Profile. Shabree Rawls Fired: Therapist Urging Black Men Therapy Loses Job (blackamericaweb.com)
There are misogynist masquerading as tough men on the manscape circuit.
There are other men who know what they are talking about getting dragged because they hurt women's feelings.
There are some women who blame men for any and everything.
The whole modern relationship discourse is a mess.
Even in our media, toxic relationships are dominating discourse on tv shows, online and in public.
In this article by Haliey Vanish, our media shows toxicity. She uses examples from shows like "You" and "After" that promote and show bad behavior that people watching can see.
"In the Netflix series You, Joe Goldberg becomes fixed on certain women and often goes to extreme measures to make the relationships work". Glorifying the Abused: Toxic Relationships in Today’s Media – Tyrone Eagle Eye News
And people are giving up on relationships.
Some messaging is from a group called MGTOW which means Men going their own way, choosing to leave marriage behind them. MGTOW Forum: Going Your Own Way
There is so much toxicity out there, the next generation is so lost if you just take a gander over on any social media platform.
Yet, there are men and women who are religious and secular doing good work. There are authors, speakers, teachers and trainers that still believe in marriage as a fundamental institution that changes lives and nations.
Examples include memes with positive affirmations on them:
There is also research that suggests that marriage is still a great decision.
Harvard Medical School and Harvard Health Publishing put out a series of blogs on health and marriage. The health advantages of marriage - Harvard Health
"A recent study of 25,000 people in England found that among people having a heart attack, those who were married were 14% more likely to survive and they were able to leave the hospital two days sooner than single people having a heart attack."
By Robert H. Shmerling, MD, Senior Faculty Editor, Harvard Health Publishing
The Marriage and Religion Research Institute has come up with 162 reasons. why marriage is still a blessing and a necessary institution today. 21 Reasons to Get Married - Beliefnet
Some reasons include:
Men have better emotional health
Married couples share emotional support with their parents
Higher expectations for children
More spiritual minded
Dads are more active in children's development
Married mothers tend to be more educated
Kids are less likely to run away from home
And the numbers in the Black community are on the decline.
"Over the last few decades marriage has been a declining institution among all Americans and this decline is even more evident in the Black community. In 2020 only 30% of African Americans were married compared to 48% of all Americans. Half or 50% of African Americans have never been married compared to 34% of all Americans." BLACK MARRIAGE - BlackDemographics.com
So, Iconic what do we do?
Be Iconic
Over here at the Iconic, we are invested in reshaping the media and narratives surrounding marriage in a positive way through content that helps individuals thrive. It is a premium place with free and paid content.
Paid content is quick and to the point, while paid content takes topics and dives deeper with statistics, research, opinions, books and more. There are also open comments, live chat and a welcome eBook for your subscription.
This newsletter is to give your insight, helpful resources and tip to empower your relationships.
We will do this with backed data, experiences, current history and more.
And it won't just be me. It will be a series of linked individuals that have done the research, the work and are some of today's voices in the marriage building business.
Examples being from articles like this one from Psychology Today, a place that helps with mental health and wellbeing of others. This accompanying link helps with the basics of marriage based in years of research and licensed professionals. Marriage | Psychology Today
This section about sex in marriage says:
"A core aspect of marriage is the commitment to have sexual relations with only one partner for the rest of one’s life. Sex tends to be a highly positive aspect of most couples’ early days together, but like any other aspect of a relationship, struggles inevitably arise. Physical and emotional issues may change how one or both partners feel about the frequency or style of physical intimacy in a relationship or fuel insecurity that manifests as anger or avoidance. Learning how to address sexual concerns together honestly and openly, experts agree, is the key to maintaining intimacy long-term, but that’s often easier said than done. "
This is the type of advice that a couple struggling with sex in their relationship may come to find out how to address from this webpage.
What makes us different? We invite you to join the conversation. I will not just post mere opinion but will chose topics that push the conversation towards solutions.
It might be tough, but it will be worth it.
ICONIC is a newsletter giving answers to our most pressing problems.
Iconic will focus on empowerment, betterment and growth while tracking these shifts through updated research, qualitative data and doing the groundwork to help people thrive.
This system will be a space for people to find ways to prepare for, reignite and work in their relationships.
Here:
We don't believe in putting people down in order to build others up.
We ask that you come to ICONIC with an opened mind but not so open that your brain falls out.
What that means is that you use logic and put away the fallacies.
We want to honor and respect all those who come and are looking for a place to learn, grow and have fun while doing it.
We are ready to help foster healthy relationships, healthy marriages and win in this thing called life for a legacy that will last generations.
So go out there and do what you do best.
And always BE ICONIC.
News: A new eBook is being released
“MrsPinky Thoughts” is an anthology of writings when I was focused on my political thoughts. Jump into to these fiery opinions and get a deeper understanding of how my mind works as a Black Conscious Conservative navigating the online spaces to help empower individuals to do more.
When you Pre-order today you can also receive rewards depending on your donation level (Like a copy of Breaking Fear, bulk copies of Iconic the print book for your group or more).
Grab your pre-order today at MrsPinky’s Thoughts: The Anthology | GoGetFunding