Break Free from Porn Lies: Exploring the 8 Consequences of Porn on Your Marriage
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Break Free from Porn Lies: Exploring the 8 Consequences of Porn on Your Marriage
We at Iconic Media want to give both men and women the tools to have Iconic marriages and win.
The one thing we must talk about is pornography.
A prominent Jew and Conservative on the right, Dennis Prager opened his “Exodus” roundtable talking about porn. This has spread quickly around Twitter and other social media outlets.
This was covered in the article by CNS News. com:
During a roundtable discussion about the Book of Exodus, Dennis Prager, a prominent conservative talk-radio host and self-described "religious Jew" (not Orthodox), said that "men want variety," and if viewing pornography is a "substitute for adultery, it's not awful." He also said that a man looking with lust towards a woman "is not a sin in Judaism."
I thought now would be a good time to talk about it.
Before we dive in, let us define some terms. What is Pornography?
According to the Online Etymology Dictionary, the word “pornography” emerged in the 1840s as a combination of the Greek words, porneia and graphe.
Porneia, when translated, points to fornication, prostitution, adultery, sexual immorality, and other forms of filth and perversion.
This means that the word actually when translated does mean adultery or something that sexually arouses the viewer that is not the spouse of said viewer.
Interesting.
The reason I started our upcoming e-Course with “The Mindset for Marriage” is because your mind has to be set on what it means to be married and, if religious things of God.
Watch the replay of me discussing “The Mindset for Marriage” and more in a previous newsletter:
Pornography, for whatever reason, both men and women make justifications for as if our sexual lusts get a pass if we don't indulge into physical sin.
That is why Jesus went a step further and talked about our hearts.
There are consequences for dabbling in pornography despite the lies we tell ourselves and no matter WHO tells them.
Consequence #1: You are opening a doorway to sin
Sin does not manifest itself in our actions firstly. We must think with our hearts and minds before we act.
"How a man thinketh so is he". Proverbs 23:7 (not Jesus).
Sin starts in our minds.
If our mindset is on God and on having a wholesome marriage watching pornography is contrary to that. Regardless, if you dig for loopholes in any religious text, social magazine or get “Yays'“from those who agree, the purpose of marriage is destroyed when you have to introduce porn to get your fix.
Don’t worry.
Most Christians know that Jesus calls us to a higher standard than the Law of Moses and the rules in the Torah did. That is one of the many reasons Jewish leaders at his time were upset with him.
Consequence #2: You are getting sexual gratification from someone/somewhere that is not your spouse
One of the main things that builds intimacy in your marriage is that your marriage bed is between you and your spouse.
Prager pointed out that men “need variety”. When has our human needs trumped what is required of us?
We need food and water, does that mean we should steal?
This line of thinking takes us off our spouse as our source of sexual desires and on to other images and more.
Consequence #3: You are admitting the spouse God gave you is not enough
Viewing porn sends a message to your loved one that you are not enough. Your appetites matter more than they do.
The spouse that God has given you was not enough to fulfil your needs.
That is a shame. Are you giving into other sins of greed/covetousness? That is going to bring in resentment, insecurity and shame.
And this is not just for men. Many women view porn or view porn as okay in a marriage bed.
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Consequence#4: Numbs you to Sexual Violence
Pornography is not like what older generations use to consume.
With the internet, the ease of access and more, sexually explicit materials have changed to more graphic and more violent images.
A veteran porn star said in a recent documentary about porn that, in the 1990s, it constituted “making love on a bed,” and having “lovey dovey sex”. But in 2010, researchers analysed more than 300 porn scenes and found that 88% contained physical aggression. Most of the perpetrators were male, and their targets female, and the latter’s most common response to aggression was to show pleasure or respond neutrally.
These images changed what is or isn’t safe sex. The supply is trying to meet the demand which means that the industry is answering the increased sexual appetite of viewer to want harsher and more aggressive porn.
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Consequence #5: Gives a False Sense of Sexual Expectations
Porn changes the dynamics of sexual relations in marriages. With the viewing of so much material, viewers then transfer that to real world situations.
“Men like variety” as Prager put it. So then, does his wife have to meet these new needs?
Eventually, as their usage escalates, they can lose touch with the fact that porn is entertainment, not a reflection of how real people in a real relationship tend to relate to one another either emotionally or sexually. This can lead to unrealistic sexual expectations and relationship strife Can Porn Impact Your Relationship? | Psychology Today
Consequence #6: Medical Repercussions
Pornography viewing over time changes our brains and has other health impacts. In 2014, a study of brains was conducted of views of porn, and it showed how brain shrinkage occurred.
The found that the striatum, a part of the brain that makes up the reward system, was smaller in those who watched a lot of porn – meaning they might require more graphic material to get aroused. But the researchers couldn't conclude if respondents with smaller striatums were driven to watch more porn, or if their frequent porn-watching had caused it to shrink – although they “assume” the latter is the case.
Here is a link to the study.
Porn causes addiction. It then takes over your life. It stunts natural sexual development in kids and teens.
Medical issues like Erectile Dysfunction, delayed ejaculation and anorgasmia (inability to orgasm) can cause men watchers deep medical issues they will have to address with a doctor.
Consequence #7: Lead to Divorce
Most couples will argue over pornography because of its strain on the relationship. Usually people who “Need variety” will never be satisfied that their partner is simply human and will never fulfil every sexual fantasy or desire.
They cannot.
But more so, the consequences of addiction that puts it in the front and the consequences of the fussing, fighting, broken trust and bonds can cause people to file and go to someone else who does not do this at all.
56% of divorces are over the use of pornography by a spouse.
Are mates supposed to just suck it up and accept that their mate looks at others for gratification? I would hope not.
Consequence #8: You fell for the lies
Humans will make excuses to sin. But sin separates us from the Kingdom of God and from the union that we were blessed with.
Many excuses like “Polyamory and polygamy was once a thing” and more always come up to justify sexual sins.
Sin, all of it, is what keeps you from being loved by our holy God and the Narrowgate will not widen to let you in just because you found a work around from anyone no matter how prominent they are or not.
There was a reason Jesus came to the Jews and they do not accept him.
And to be clear, there are Jews who have turned to Christ and who do listen to His Word.
Key Points
Marriage is just one aspect of living a life of righteousness before a holy and just God who sent Jesus to die in our place for our sins BECAUSE the price of sin is that high.
We cannot play with sin and make excuses for it.
What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? Romans 6:1
I am but a sinner, that Jesus showed grace on me. In no way am I any better.
We cannot use our fleshy needs to forget what He is calling us to do/become.
Iconic Media is a Christian lead organization that depends on the Bible for its moral guidance and direction.
While we have respect for all religions and secular couples, we use the Bible as our grounds for moral standards when it comes to helping you have an Iconic Marriage, expert research, lived experiences and more.
This is not a post to point to one man’s opinions or his religious views but to rebuttal a larger view of pornography being okay in successful relationships when we believe it is not.
We are a community that does not shy away from topics that will encourage us to all do better and be Iconic.
If you or someone you love has porn addiction, here are some resources for you:
Tools For Change: Recovery from Porn Addiction - Your Brain On Porn
Porn Addiction - Get Help Today - Addiction Center
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This 30-day online course will teach you and your spouse 12 foundational principles to help you map a 25-year success plan for your marriage.
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How to Cultivate the Mindset for a Successful Marriage
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How to Practice Self-Love So You Know How Best to Love Your Spouse
How to Develop a Financial Plan for Your Social Empire’s Success
How to Develop Effective Communication Strategies Based on Your Spouse’s Preferred Methods and more!
At the end of this empowering course, you will receive:
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An online support network to collaborate with other couples.
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