Fighting: 9 Ways to Effectively Handle Marital Disagreements
Happy Friday Icons,
As we finish out another week in 2023, I pray that all is well, and you are that much closer to your 2023 goals.
Marriage can have ups and downs. Disagreements/Arguments/Fights they all happen.
How you handle them can make or break your relationship.
I asked you Icons what ways do you handle these situations when they arise and you. answered.
Let us jump into the discussion. If you do not see an answer on the list or have more to say, by all means leave us a comment. Tell us what you really think, we are here to have these discussions to help us all do better in life, love, marriage and family.
Fighting: 9 Ways to Effectively Handle Marital Disagreements
My Twitter Icon question:
Your responses:
Way #1: Listen.
Communication is not just about what you say but also listening. Listening is more than just hearing the sound waves, but actively engaging with paying attention to what is being said, the words used and how. Actively listening to your spouse can help you glean what the real issue is behind the heightened emotions so you both can work out a solution.
Way #2: Remain calm.
The tips here talk about ways to stay calm. Nothing can be done when there is too much anger, yelling and other things that keep the arguments going. All you are doing is wasting time and saying things possibly that you do not truly mean. Bad things come from being stuck in a yelling match where neither of you get anywhere. Remain calm and get to the point so you can quickly get to a resolution.
Way #3: Time to Process.
Taking time to process what is said helps. It ensures you are more worried about the issue and the fix more than hurt egos and feelings. It helps you understand what was truly being conveyed and not the actual arm waving, loud voicing that may have been out front. Argue with intent to resolve not hurt.
Way #4: Accept Disagreement
Your spouse is not you. It is okay to accept they just are not going to agree with you on everything and that is okay. Decide if it really is that big of a deal that he does not actually like doing the dishes and only do them because they need to be done. Not everything has to be a boxing match.
Case Study #1:
Who was right? Who was wrong? What was the fight really about? Did either have valid points? Tell us what you think. Post your responses to this fight in the comments below.
Way #5: Don’t hit below the belt.
Be careful with your words and what you bring up. Do this by staying on topic not dragging up old grievances or settled fights just to save face. Do not bring up things meant to wound them just so you can go tit-for-tat. Make the current thing the focus and show that when you forgave a situation, you truly did by not interjecting it into the new fight.
Way #6: Apologize.
A real apology is directed at the person, shows remorse and acknowledgement of never to do it again or to fix the mistake. A real apology does not gaslight the other into redirecting what happen on to them. Remember that you love them. Arguing naked might not be the smartest trick if you want some other result than sex.
Case Study #2
Martin and Gina are a couple. Martin gets a gift from Gina that he makes fun of, and it upsets her. What do you think about this argument? How did it escalate? Who was wrong and who should apologize?
They brought up each other’s parents. They have their friends in the room.
Post your replies in the comments:
Way #7: Judge the Value
Is the color of his shirt really that big of a deal to fight him with? Is the toliet seat being up that bad or can you just put it down? What do you do that irks them that they let go of? Deciding if a discussion is even worth the trouble is an important first step. Some conversations are a MUST, but many are not that big to get in a fuss over.
Way #8: Best intentions.
When you give your spouse the benefit of the doubt, you are lest defensive of what they have to say. When you believe that their intentions are pure, you know what they say even if totally negative comes from a place of love and want to make things better. You know them better than anyone so you should be able to tell if a fight is from a good place to begin with.
Way #9: Grab a Snicker
This sounds like a joke, but it is not. Some people argue when they are hungry because they are irritable. This can happen when people have issues too like depression and/or diabetes. Sometimes people get frustrated when very exhausted, tired or just overworked. Do not try to have real honest conversations through these moments but instead wait until they are well rested and not busy to take the conversation seriously.
A Call to Action
We are moving into a more specific direction to give FREE coaching eCourses to 10-20 couples very soon.
We don’t want to just write blogs but to actually help real life couples improve their marriages and build the types of relationships that puts them on the path to be successful.
Iconic Marriage eCourses will cover real world topics in a realistic/wholistic way that is effective in bringing out the love and honesty needed to survive a forever journey.
America’s relationships stats are not good with marriages declining and divorces climbing.
Men and women are fighting, and our birth rates are dwindling.
Iconic aims to change that, with your help.
Today we ask that you donate $15 or more to support my training to learn how to develop the types of eCourses that provide the training couples need in a way that works.
We don’t want to put out nonsense like many media, podcasts and others do. We want to do what some of the other successful marriage coaches do.
Importantly, The more of us that show up to help develop wholesome marriages, the more there will be. And if you read my “Case for Marriage” post, you know the benefits to society and the country matters.
Give today and receive my newest eBook “Mrs. Pinky’s Thoughts” by clicking the link.
Another way to give is to become a paid subscriber with $5 a month/$50 a year.
Paid subscribers get newsletters Monday-Friday and new eBooks every year.
Your donations/funding keeps “Iconic” newsletter going to help empower couples each day.
We thank you in advance.
And remember, in everything you do, Be Iconic.