From Blame to Growth: Escaping the Trap of Victim Mentality in Your Marriage

How can we stop being bitter and Own our Marital Power?

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From Blame to Growth: Escaping the Trap of Victim Mentality in Your Marriage

Too much stock has been garnered in our society by being victims.

This mindset strips the individual from their power to change their life and the problems in them marriage.

I should know. I have been there. I lost the baby and wanted to die.

It wasn’t until my husband snapped me back to reality that I understood the power I had in my own hands to change the game and be pro-life for me.

I deserved to live, even if I had to grieve the loss of our baby.

Yet, in today’s marriage discourse all we hear is victims’ mentality.

Men whining about women.

Women talking bad about men.

A series of woe is me all over the place. And we fall into the trap.

Now we are the victim, and everyone is out to get us. Oh, poor me.

Husbands and wives doing the spiderman meme crying about chores, societal expectations and life being unfair.

Sounds unempathetic on my end, I know.

Let’s be honest. Life is hard. And marriage isn’t for the weak.

(Yes, I know people had a big to do about whether we can label marriage hard.)

But think about it. You are joining your life with someone who has had time to become a completely different person.

Those fairytale love stories are nice and many of us have them, but the day-to-day part of marriage is not that.

It is work. It takes intention.

Victim mentality gives our ownership of our lives over to others, even our spouse and we take no responsibility in making things right, even if the way is small.

We talked about this before. About having the mental fortitude for marriage.

But what is Victim mentality? It is a mindset that you are being hurt by others.

The partner in the victim role constantly feels blamed, attacked or unappreciated. They feel helpless and full of self-pity; they may tend to blame others for their difficulties. Stop Being the Victim, Savior, or Persecutor in Your Life | Psychology Today

This can all be true, but the issue is you become stuck.

You think there is nothing that you can do about your lot in life. You give over your power to others and consistently feel lesser than as if you can’t be or do better.

It is not a place of being a victor.

And it is a trap. Because you can never be the solution to your problem if you see everyone else as the blame.

In what ways do we avoid the traps of victim mentality?

1. Take ownership: Look at our own actions in situations. So, what your husband thinks you are fat. Have you actually gained weight? How do you feel walking up the stairs? Do you have family members with diabetes? What can you do about the way you look? Is your husband trying to help you, so you don’t die young? Are his intentions pure? Take ownership of your own diet and exercise so that you can control what you look and feel like. If doctors aren’t helping fight for second and third opinions. Take ownership of your own physical well-being and whatever else you can so that you can’t give in to victim mentality and stay stuck.

2. Listen to the Right Advice: Some people will tell you what you want to hear. They will let you wallow in your self-pity, cheer on your bad habits and even help you down your path of destruction. Everyone isn’t for your good. Single people might tell you the wrong things about your spouse when you know them best. Family can be praying on you alls downfall because they never liked your spouse anyway. Seek out advice that uplifts you without feeding smoke up your butt. Look for help that reminds you to take accountability for your role, challenges you to do better and that points out potential red/green flags in your marriage.

3. Give Yourself Credit: You are wonderfully made. You have done good in your life. You may have made mistakes but there are some successes you can focus on. You need to love yourself and give yourself some credit for showing up every morning trying this hard thing called life. Start to view yourself as a champion even if you don’t believe it or haven’t reached your goal yet. Victims’ self-pity and feel sorry for themselves. If you are alive, have breath and can move around a bit, you are doing better than many. Be thankful that you are who you are and there is no one else like you.

4. Give Your Spouse Credit: Look at the things your spouse does well. It is easy to see a glass half empty instead of half full. Look at what they get right, what they’ve remembered, what they take care of that you don’t. Go back down memory lane if there isn’t anything current popping up in your mind. Look at them choosing you and trying to build something with you. They chose you when they didn’t have to, and you know it. Shift your focus on the things that are positive not just on the negatives and really take in those things.

5. Surround Yourself with Positivity: Chose positive family and friends, music, and environment. Get offline and away from negative content. Find inspiring books, pick up confident scriptures and choose something wholesome and better for yourself. If you are fulling consuming content that brings you down, it helps you fall into the trap that your life is terrible, and everything is bad. Move to a new town if you must, switch careers if your job is bothering you, take ownership by taking over whatever is stopping you.

6. Find Your Purpose: When you know why you were born, it helps you forget to be a victim. Whatever you chose to do is more important than feeling sorry for yourself or your spouse. When you got married, remember your why. Why did you marry this person versus staying single. Then find your goals, make it your mission every day to work towards goals accomplishing more than you’ve ever dreamed of. When you are focusing your energy on a dream, you don’t have time to wallow in self-pity and pain. You acknowledge it and then you find solutions to get you up and moving. You were bought with a price by Christ Jesus, isn’t it time you found out what for? Go be great.

Champions focus on winning.

They don’t focus on the problems they face but the solutions to get where they are going.

In marriage, it is easy to get bogged down in the day-to-day of it that we forget our why, we forget the love, we lose ourselves and each other.

Don’t let that happen.

Find your Vision. Do your best and Protect Your Peace.

And Iconic marriage is a life hack when done right with the right person.

You can have the marriage of your dreams.

Let’s build it together.

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