From Fear to Empowerment: Managing Emotional Challenges with Your Spouse

How do we Navigate Scary situations with those we love.

Nicole Pinkston " Mrs_Pinky"

Oct 31, 2023

Good morning, Icons,

Today is Halloween 2023 and we are still talking about our emotions for the end of October.

We spent the month empower you on your feelings and how to be empowered in live, love and marriage.

Navigating our emotions can definitely be scary. And we are here to help you.

Hopefully, you enjoy your day with those you love.

Remember Iconic is a community so we ask that you like, share and comment at the bottom of these posts to share these newsletters with others.

From Fear to Empowerment: Managing Emotional Challenges with Your Spouse

It is the day of spookiness, scares and fright, it is Halloween 2023.

My scary story today is real to help you learn and win.

In 2011, the year I got married, got out of the military and was having our 1st baby, it was a highly emotional time.

I was transitioning from a single soldier to a wife, mother and college student. My life was changing into a new and unknown direction.

Was I making the right decision to get out the Army and lose my career I worked so hard for?
Was I going to be a good mother?
How would he love me as his wife?

I was full of fears.

And even worse, the person I use to call to help me had passed away.

In May 2011, my grandmother, Mary Parker at the age of 90 years old. The person whom I shared all of my fears, worried and doubts with.

My best friend was gone.

She had been suffering so much, I couldn’t ask her to stay. She was no longer able to eat because swallowing wasn’t anymore possible, and her cancers were winning.

It became apparent that she was ready to go to meet my grandpa.

She was the woman I could only aspire to be. She birthed seven kids and out of her love came 100s of grands and great-grandkids.

And in that moment of learning she was gone, I realized that life would still have so much to frighten me even without her in it anymore.

Fortunately, he was there.

My husband who was by my side during our miscarriage, during two tours to Iraq and at this funeral, came to be by myside.

And it dawned on me that he would be with me through all of our life’s up and downs.

That’s him, in the back, in the picture below. We wore our uniforms to honor our late grandmother.

It was a hot Maryland day, and the church was full of so many people. You can tell my grandmother had touched so many souls and done so much to help so many.

And it was the day we honored her.

And I had to go on to be a wife and mother without this woman in my life.

These emotions were a part of who I was. And I had to learn to regulate them.

My husband was right there from the beginning (We married in April) to help me navigate them.

Today’s Newsletter is Sponsored by Breaking Fear: Anniversary Edition

Breaking Fear is my personal story of overcoming our miscarriage. An additional chapter in this newest book adds a new time that our family was afraid and had to overcome it to win.

When you support Iconic Media today with $10 or more you get a copy of this eBook to your email instantly.

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We appreciate your contributions to Iconic Media and want to bless you with this personal story. Grab yours now.

BReaking Fear: Anniversary Edition

How do we Navigate Scary situations with those we love.

Losing my grandmother would have a huge impact on me. She wouldn’t meet my husband or any of my children.

I didn’t get to show her how successful I was in the military and the last time I saw her she was in pain.

The fear of my new life and what God had for me wouldn’t be shared with someone I loved so dearly.

And that is okay? Why?

Because she imparted so much wisdom on me that I was ready. I was ready thanks to her.

She taught me love, marriage, empowerment and courage.

She made me laugh, made me feel important and strong.

Her life prepared for mine, one by giving me my mother, and by her life.

Being able to observe what it was like to be a strong woman will stay with me forever.

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What is possible when you are no longer afraid

She was able to leave so many of us behind because she did her job well.

She gave me advice that helped. She told me that through Christ, all things are possible.

And I wouldn’t be fighting life alone. I had my life partner with me, he was my support as I was his.

She showed me her love for my grandfather till she died. The love she had for that man encouraged me that I’d find that love someday as well.

My husband had also lost his uncle who was close to him a year prior. So, he knew what it felt like to lose someone.

And as we have lived together for 12 years we have face fear in the eye, head on together.

As a couple, you and your spouse must do the same thing. You must know how to manage deep emotions like grief, despair and more.

We both are combat veterans, but the military prepared us for that.

Our next work, building a family was entirely differently.

In the month of November in which we honor veterans, I will pull for our military experience to teach you things like leadership, persistence, and resilience and how to apply that to your marriage.

But today, the last day of October we tackle a big emotion: fear.

I made two eBooks and a workshop on fear because it is such a strong emotion.

With the help of those we love and more we can navigate anything life throws at us and win.

Change Your Mindset: In the Movie “The Rite” Anthony Hopkins plays a priest that has to deal with exorcism. In it, main character Michael Kovak was training to be an exorcist and had to win. To help the person possessed Michael had to overcome his fear that he wasn’t good enough and that he had to be the person to win. When we are afraid it is usually because we don’t trust ourselves. I was afraid I still needed my grandmother to navigate life, but she already gave me the tools to win. I had to change my negative thoughts that were pouring into my mind and hurting my perspective of a beautiful future. Our mindsets about things need to be empowering before our actions ever will be.
Communicate: In the horror Sci-Fi, “Predator” the military men were being hunted by an alien one by one. It was when Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character realized that it was a game with the alien, warrior vs warrior, that he kicked the gun out of the girl hostage hand to save her life. And he communicated that the alien was a fighter. He realized he had to fight back to win. If we want to overcome our fears, we have to communicate why we are afraid and what we are up against. I lost the communication with my grandmother, but I have that now with my husband. I let him know what is wrong and we both find solutions together. He can’t read my mind so if something is bothering me or him, we are quick to talk about it.
Eliminate Defensiveness: Fear isn’t your partner or your fault. It is the natural response to a traumatic event or crazy situation. People remember Bill Paxton’s character in the Sci-Fi horror movie “Aliens”. He was a part of a Marine Corps group that went to an alien planet with aliens that had acid spit he saw for the first time killing his buddies. His fear wasn’t irrational, the situation was. I don’t think the Corp trained him to deal with alien monsters. When you or your partner have fears and shares that vulnerability with you, you must eliminate any defensiveness you fear. It isn’t about you, even if the fear involves you. It is about the fear itself and the feelings surrounding them. Get rid of making it about you personally and work on how you can help make things better.
The Right Support: Going to your spouse is a a great way to alleviate fear. Other support might not be because the individual may not know how to help you, and that is okay. Coaches, counselors, therapist, ministers or other religious leaders get specialize training to help us through things. You wouldn’t fight Freddie, Jason, or Michael Myers the same. Zombies in the Walking Dead are different from the way the operate in Resident Evil vs 28 days later. Knowing what you are up against and getting the right help will make the most impact on your healing.