Hot Topic: Married and Combined Finances, Your 13 Most Talked about Opinions

Good morning, Icons,

We have another newsletter for you today. Today’s Topic is a spicy one: Money.

Money is very important to the health and happiness of a marriage.

So, I posed a question to my Icons, and it took off on Twitter with 13,235 views and 435 engagements! Opinions varied and we will dive in.

I guess money does matter.

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Hot Topic: Married and Combined Finances, Your 13 Most Talked about Opinions

Thank you, guys, for engaging my Twitter questions, it helps us glean information as we work to empower individuals to have “Iconic” marriages that are healthy and last.

My question:

Nicole Pinkston🇺🇸 Mrs Pinky @MRSpinkston85

Should married couple join all their finances?

Here are your responses:

Opinion #1: No.

Aja Smith @AjaforCongress

@MRSpinkston85 #1 issue is when you do and get divorced it's ugly. You need to have realistic expectations. Even when youarry as a "second" marriage you need to have that conversation with both families. Prenuptial agreements, trust, wills, insurance etc..

Combining money can get ugly if a divorce happens. Therefore, couples should have something in case of the worse situation. A security blanket or safety net for troubling times can help when things go south. Prevention is key to many of our woes. Let us see what other Icons say.

Opinion #2: Not Fully.

Hans Guenkel @hansg2014

@MRSpinkston85 Good question but in my opinion not fully. Each person can have a portion of their check deposited into a joint account for bills and joint savings. But I would also each maintain separate accounts so they have funds for the things they want.

A couple can have a joint “bills” account for the household and then each person can have their own checking account to maintain funds they want like if the wife wants to get shoes and the husband needs new fishing gear. The separate accounts aren’t to hide money but to pay for hobbies that the other person has nothing to do with.

Opinion #3: It depends.

Author Tamara Shepard @AuthorTShepard

@MRSpinkston85 It depends on the couple. I tried it when I was married, it didn't work. I know a couple that's been married over thirty years, and it works for them.

Somethings work for some couples and somethings do not work for others. Many people adjust and do what their own relationship demands. My parents share all their money and work together to pay what they have to pay. They have been married 40 years, so I don’t see divorce in the future for them to worry about.

Opinion #4: Another No.

🇺🇸🦉WesleyZ3🦉🇺🇸 @JustWesleyZ3

@MRSpinkston85 Couple should keep their own finances and have an account they contribute money to separately for bills and such. This is to avoid someone spending more money than they are putting in and if one needs money they can discuss it.

Some responders believe that having some money to ourselves in a marriage allows us to control spending if one spouse is a bigger spender than the other. Having separate accounts can alleviate the burden on one spouse. They should be able to ask if they are in need of help when it comes up.

Opinion #5: Yes.

Quone @CraigABryan1

@MRSpinkston85 It boggles my mind when couples don’t combine and there’s a bunch of research that shows it leads to higher relationship satisfaction.

We tend to want to say no, or it depends for security from later financial hardships. But as this user suggests, research does point to couples being happier who combine their finances. A couple can decide their route by research or by personal experience.

While falling in love and managing a budget don’t always go hand-in-hand, new research shows that it pays to pool finances if you’re seeking a higher level of satisfaction, harmony and commitment in your serious relationship or marriage.

The research was conducted at Cornell University. Can combining finances lead to long-lasting love? | Cornell Chronicle

They discovered that couples with pooled financial accounts tended to exhibit a better connection and their interactions were more positive, stable and safe. This led to using shared language on publicly available online financial forums to describe their relationships, with pronouns such as “we,” “us” and “our” and fewer pronouns such as “I.” They also used more affiliation words such as “agree,” “connect,” “friend,” “kindness,” “listen,” and “peace.”

Opinion #6: We tried.

John John the Leprechaun @DunnoWut

@MRSpinkston85 We tried this. My spouse wanted me to take care of all the bills so she could "feel that I was taking care of her". I stopped contributing to the joint account at that point because that was the only way I could ensure there was money available for the bills. She was unthrilled.

Sometimes the data does not play out how one would hope. This couple tried and the wife wanted full access and full contribution from the husband’s income.

He went on to say:

John John the Leprechaun @DunnoWut

@MRSpinkston85 Yes and no. She is terrible with money, and she wanted me to pay all the bills...but she also wanted access to all my income. Nope.

You know your spouse than anyone else, so you do what you must to keep the relationship especially if this is the only area of contention. No amount of research can predict what your spouse will do. Trust your own judgment when it comes to money and get expert advice if you need it.

Opinion #7: Back and Forth

IF.....then you'll be a man my son @rymayor

@MRSpinkston85 We've gone back and forth. With technology making it so easy to send money now. We've just sent it back and forth as needed.

Over the course of your marriage technology changes so it seems so much easier to deposit checks over the phone rather than standing in line at the bank or check cashing place. We adjust our marriages to what is in the now so many couples that are seasoned have experienced doing both. And now with money apps like Cash App and PayPal transferring money over the phone to each other is so simple that there is no real need to worry like in the past.

Opinion #8: Another Yes.

Mark Noonan @Mark_E_Noonan

@MRSpinkston85 Yep. A marriage is the total giving of each to the other.

Combining finances like you combine everything else in the relationships seems consistent throughout the relationship. It seems easier if there is one breadwinner and the other spouse does not have any side jobs/crafting business money coming in.

Whatever works to keep the two of you in harmony and understanding each other matters. Plus, again, research backs you two up.

Opinion #9: Absolutely.

James Hale @RichmondWahoo

@MRSpinkston85 Absolutely. Important to have some money budgeted to each person for fun/hobbies/misc. items each month, but we've always had joint accounts that both can access fully.

You don’t need to have a separate account to budget things out for both people. You can include that in the overall make up of your finances. Each spouse can have accounts that both can fully access if the time comes that one or the other cannot, like a hospital stay.

Opinion #10: A 4 account minimum.

Rosemary (Dewar) Stainbrook @Rlynnd1

@MRSpinkston85 Minimum 4 personal banks accounts: 1 joined 1 saving joined 1 separated fun-fund each (Have many separated business accounts under a two tier trust)

Depending on what you have going on asset and business wise, one Icon suggests having 4 accounts with business accounts in a two-tiered system. If the two of you can manage it all, do whatever you must. What works for you is a system that works for you. It only is an issue when it becomes one.

Opinion #11: Never.

WiseMonkey @SoCalObserver

@MRSpinkston85 Never. On the nice side, should one partner become financially crippled due to outside forces (bankruptcy, hacked, bad bills, etc.) the other partner can provide unscathed. There should be at least one account fully seperated from the other w/ the spouse as beneficiary.

Really? Never? Wow, this is a stronger No than the others. Having a safety net in case of a bankruptcy, hacking, bad with bills or other of the millions of finance things that could happen is also a way for the unscathed spouse to pick up the slack and to carry the load until the debt and issues are sorted out. A safety net for any issues is the main reason for the naysayers.

Opinion #12: Duh

H. Giles @HenchmanGiles

@MRSpinkston85 Do we need to look up the word “married” in the dictionary cuz…. Lol

According to “Merriam-Webster” Married Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster

married 1 of 2

a: being in the state of matrimony : WEDDED

b: of or relating to marriage : CONNUBIAL

2

: UNITED, JOINED

married

pluralmarrieds or married

: a married person young marrieds are paid undue … attention—Paul Goodman

Here it says absolutely nothing about money. So, the condescension of many of the Icons in this comments thread shows how much more work there is to do. This is why many dating and newlyweds are confused. Are there things we should automatically know before we get hitched, or does it depend on your own situation?

This jumping to conclusions that married people MUST join finances instead of saying they OUGHT to can be why so many of our younger generation feels lost. The dictionary has no such definition of marriage when it pertains to money.

Opinion #13: What did Christ say?

Vero @Vero_atLast

@MRSpinkston85 What does Christ say we should do?

Christ did have some words that may help Christians in deciding what to do, including married couples:

Greed: “Be careful to guard yourselves from every kind of greed. Life is not about having a lot of material possessions.” (Luke 12:15)

Stewardship: “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.” (Luke 16:10)

Plan First: “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’” (Luke 14: 28-30)

Giving: “In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ” (Acts 20:35)

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This was a spicy topic with opinions vary across America cultures, politics, religious views, etc. To have the “Iconic” marriage, you must do what works for you and your spouse and that can last. That may mean separating accounts or joining them.

What matters more is not how you do it but THAT you do the work to making your relationship strongest. Many financial coaches, mentors and experts are available should you and/or your spouse need financial advice.

Disclaimer: I am not a financial expert, and the opinions here are just that, opinions.

In whatever you decide to do, remember to be Iconic.

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