I Can Stop Being Defensive: Learn to Listen | Effective Communication Tips | Terri Cole
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I Can Stop Being Defensive: Learn to Listen | Effective Communication Tips | Terri Cole
We tend to think true communication is about speaking well and talking perfectly to others to convey our messages.
Yet, that is only one part of great communication. You must be a great listener. Not listening just to respond but to understand, receive and solve issues as they come. That empowers the relationship because you two are focused on the message rather than being on defense.
Today, we have a video from Terri Cole as she talks about how to effectively communicate in a way that works.
This video is from the Terri Cole Show on YouTube.
I AM A LICENSED PSYCHOTHERAPIST AND RELATIONSHIP & EMPOWERMENT EXPERT.
For over 20 years my approach has combined the best of practical psychology and eastern mindfulness practices - making complex psychological concepts accessible, and then actionable so that you can achieve sustainable change - in other words: true transformation Terri Cole - Psychotherapist and Relationship Expert
Listen in live and come out better on the other side.
Why is defensiveness so damaging to our relationships? As one of my personal mental health heroes, Dr. Harriet Lerner, would say: “Defensiveness is the arch-enemy of listening.” Why? Because you can’t be defensive and listen simultaneously. It’s impossible. There are all different levels of being defensive, and there are many reasons why some people are more defensive than others. So much of it has to do with the home you grew up in and the behavior that you saw modeled when you were a child. Questions to guide you: -- When problems or conflict arose, what kind of behavior did you witness? -- How did your parents or caretakers communicate? With one another? With you? -- Did you grow up in a very authoritarian home? -- If you made a mistake, how was it handled? Was it a big deal? -- You might have grown up in circumstances in which it was natural for you to be defensive or always on guard to protect yourself. If your childhood environment was chaotic, scary or dangerous and there were serious consequences to your mistakes or behavior, it makes sense that defensiveness would become a part of your self-preservation strategy. If you grew up in a very strict household, it could even have been very natural for you to lie to get out of trouble. The child within you would benefit from you giving yourself some grace as to why you did what you needed to do in order to avoid pain or punishment. In all my years of practice and of research, I’ve learned that having the most effective communication possible is what makes the deepest, most vibrant, healthiest and truly loving relationships flourish. Effective communication is something I am super passionate about, so that’s why this week, I’m tackling defensiveness, how to raise our awareness around it and how to stop it from blocking our greatest potential in all of our relationships. Want to dive deeper? My pal Mark Groves and I did a 3-hour workshop all about transforming the way you communicate in every area of life. Get scripts, tools & guidance to gracefully navigate challenging discussions, address misunderstandings & develop a happier, healthier approach toward communication:
https://crushingcommunication.com/
Download the free guide that goes along with this video: https://terricole.com/effective-commu...
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