Proven Strategies for Improving Communication with Your Spouse: Learning to Hear Them
Day 33 of our Iconic Women's Empowerment Series
Good morning, Icons,
We are back with a new newsletter in our Women’s empowerment series for you. We have been working for the past 3 months to empower specifically our Iconic ladies in all ways to help you grow.
Before you can be the awesome wife and mother you can be or to tight up where you already are, we went over some “self” topics to take care of you, the individual.
Now we are jumping into working on you as part of a team. Men, you can read these newsletters too.
Icons, this is a community-based network where we want all to enjoy the content, and that takes you. Please continue to share and like these newsletters for us to grow.
Remember, we also have an interactive chat and notes section for you.
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Proven Strategies for Improving Communication with Your Spouse: Learning to Hear Them
We know there are many important parts to being married. One many struggles with is communication, like the men are from Mars and women are from Venus troupe as if communication between the genders is impossible.
We have books, podcasts show, social media content creators all talking about men doing this or women doing that. But why are our communication signals getting crossed.
What makes marital communication difficult and what can we do to be better at it?
Ladies, how do we ensure our voice are heard and our assertiveness understood as love and not a fight?
It takes practice. Like any skill, effective communication especially with someone we love is a learned trait and we Icons will be master’s at it by the time we are married and well into our relationship.
Do you actually hear what your spouse is saying to you? Are you actively listening?
Sometimes we think we are and then we are fighting. What happened? Communication is failing.
What strategies can we employ to help us out?
Iconic Formula for Marriage Success
Do you struggle with communication in your marriage? Do you struggle with narcissisms, passive-aggressive behavior or money woes? How do you suggest we get to a point of cohesion in our marriage to last us a lifetime?
Well, mwe are bringing you the Iconic Formula for Marriage Success our 30-day eCourse out now in book format.
Our online course isn’t a quick guide, but everyone doesn’t have time for a class.
Now you can get the course in a book, real soon.
Our Iconic Campaign is Bigger than Ever!
The Iconic Story:
On October 1, 2022, I, Marriage Coach Nicole Pinkston launched the Iconic Media organization to empower men and women to build social empires that thrive.
Thriving is different from lasting. We don't just want to couple people up, we want couples that are flourishing, building generational wealth and lasting in love, marriage, family and in their lives.
Social empires are our family structures set up to maintain our families and our legacy regardless of the society around us. And we are in trouble, because our structures are crumbling.
We aim to change that!
I have been married for 12 years and it has not always been easy. Even with being a combat veteran and a trained soldier, marriage was tough in the beginning for us, even with Biblical principles in mind.
Do you or someone you know want to have a happy and lasting marriage? Do you want to learn the secrets of successful couples and great stories of those who overcome the challenges of life together? Do you want to get a marriage book with the secret formula or more?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you have come to the right place.
We are writing "The Iconic Formula for Marriage Success", our 6th book!
What is this book about?
The Iconic Formula for Marriage Success” eBook written by Nicole Pinkston aka Mrs. Pinky will follow these ideas of our eCourse of the same name teaching you and your spouse 12 foundational principles to help you map a 25-year success plan for your marriage.
Chapters lessons include:
How to Cultivate the Mindset for a Successful Marriage
How to Develop the Mental Fortitude to Combat Marriage Challenges
How to Develop Your Marriage’s Vision and Mission Plan
How to Practice Self-Love So You Know How Best to Love Your Spouse
How to Develop a Financial Plan for Your Social Empire’s Success
How to Develop Effective Communication Strategies Based on Your Spouse’s Preferred Methods and more!
This is our blueprint. And I mean our, because this is a collective effort from us to build up our local families, then our communities and our nation.
We are the answer to today's marriage woes.
But why a 6th book? Because reading is how we transform lives and codify it in written format.
Current marriage woes are many. According to Pew Reseach's 2023 Report.
1. "A quarter of 40 years never been married."
2. "Public views of the family are complicated. Americans are more pessimistic than optimistic about the institution of marriage and the family." Over 40%.
3. "Marriage and families and parenthood are seen as less important to living a fulfilling life/"
4. "Unhappy couples stay in marriages too long."
5. "...adult children have a great deal or a fair amount of assistance and financial assistance to an elderly parent who needs this type of support" (Views of the American Family in 2023 Are Mixed | Pew Research Center
Something must be done, soon. We need to save our American families.
How? We are giving out 3,000+ copies of this exact 6th book to the communities for free with your donations. We know everyone cannot afford our materials and need you to help us reach our most vulnerable.
How is the money spent? To accomplish these goals, I must first receive the training necessary to build the infrastructure. Cost for my online business development, book publishing and training. is $25,000 (or $480/week) and will occur over a 12-month time period.
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Free Prints for Preorders/Giveaways.
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Help us bring back the nuclear family, build strong marriages and restore households this year and get a copy of our book when it becomes available.
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Strategies for effective communication with Your Spouse
In April, I will be married for 13 years and have known my husband since 2007. We are best friends, former coworkers, lovers and parents. We deeply care for one anothers and have been through a lot together.
Uniquely, we are polar opposites. I am loud and extrovert. He is reserved, quiet and introvert. I love to sing and dance. He loves his space and to be in building with his hands.
We couldn’t be more different from each other. I come from a big inner city of Baltimore, yes like the Wire, and comes from a small unknown Georgia town named Thomson. We couldn’t be more different.
Yet, we make it work. We make it work through our specifically strong communication.
How do we make it work? What strategies helped us communicate our wants, needs, desires and expectations to each other?
We listen to understand not to respond.
Many people listen to what you are saying to say something back, almost like they are on defense mode.
One of the things that I have always enjoyed about my man is that he was always a great listener (maybe because he doesn’t talk as much as me, lol) and that was how we became friends. He heard my past stories, listened to what I went through when I grew up and can even recall childhood tales he’s heard a million times. His listening skills are impeccable.
Simply put, when you listen, you hear what the person is saying, not just with the setu up of your ears but you also develop an understanding of HOW they say things. What words did they use to convey a message, what spirit was the language in what they say? Did they set a tone that was specifically to convey how upset they were or how rushed they needed something done? You listen strictly to capture the message and not just that they are talking to you but how important what they say is to them.
You understand and accept your and/or your spouse’s unique differences.
Just because I am loud does not mean I am upset or fussing. Culturally and where I am from, cities tend to drown you out when you talk. I also grew up in a family of eight in a small living space, so you had to speak up or get ignored. I am just a naturally loud person. I even laugh loud because of my natural tendency to outwardly display my emotions. It doesn’t mean I don’t respect my husband’s opinion or need to talk over others. It doesn’t make me aggressive or unkind. It is just how I am uniquely me and my husband is uniquely him as the total opposite.
On the other hand, he is quiet. It doesn’t mean he is inattentive, uninvolved or dismissive. He is actually a deep thinker and uses his quiet time to come up with solutions. I had to learn that his silence didn’t mean his was oblivious to things. In fact, his quietness made him more astute to situations and more aware of his surroundings. His quietness has come to be something rather special to our relationship, relaxing and calming strength that reassures me everything will be ok.
Ladies, he really isn’t thinking about much when he is quiet, and he isn’t thinking about other women either. Nothing on his mind really could be nothing on his mind.
If you hear him yell, something is obviously wrong. And the kids are surprised!
Don’t get me wrong. We did not get here easily though.
It took actually getting to know who each of us were, and some fights, to understand the nuances of how each of us show love, discuss important topics, and are uniquely ourselves. We put in the work to get to this understanding of who we each were and how we each operate. And we accepted those things as we’ve learned how positive fruit came from that understanding!
We learned the benefit of being different.
We grew to understand how to adjust our own ways to that of our spouse. The goal was not to WIN but to build togetherness. The goal was to gain contentment not to score points.
You remember you are a team We are a team.
The way to communicate is to solve problems, love deeper and be each other’s liberty. Check out more points here Your Guide to Communication in Marriage | Psych Central
Fun fact: we never chastised each other for the way we were. Instead, we developed our own new way to be with each other.
Now we can second guess each other.
He can say “I knew you would react that way or say that” and there is nothing I could reply with because he would be right. The cool thing about it? We can rest in that assurance of knowing each other on such a deep level.
We can get our points across, win each other’s hearts over and over again and have the peace of mind that our other half is okay.
I do not need to worry about my man not paying attention to me, not listening and start to picture elsewhere. He is able to open up to me, trust me when he isn’t around and know that I get him in few words. We understand through our communication, that our love trumps everything else we come up against.
Instead of being lost in our marriage, we can go to each other for answers, and we depend on each other for help. We rest in knowing our present help is always by our side.
Remember you are talking to someone you love
Use your tone, your words and you're timing wisely. Nothing can cause a fray faster than forgetting that words can hurt longer than an actual physical injury. Our memories might be going but not that fast. We tend to remember verbal wounds. Say sorry faster than you say something hurtful. Give grace quickly and often. Learn the spiritual law of forgiveness because it comes in handy. Know that your children are watching, and they model your behaviors more than what you say to them. How you speak to your spouse may quiet a storm rather than make matters worse.
Proverbs 15:1 KJV: A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
Iconic Marriages have Effective Communicators
Nothing is more empowering than getting your points across. In marriage, a win is putting a smile on your spouse’s face and letting them enjoy being in a relationship with you.
This is an Iconic Marriage, where life is grand, planned and more fun being together than a part. Not because we are famous and popular, not because we are rich.
Our marriages are “Iconic” because we are at peace and happy WITH each other and better off than when we were alone. We effective communicators and in turn better lovers, companions, friends and parents. We are able to be the true other half and understand what this life means with you in it.
Are we perfect? HECK NO.
My loudness does annoy him at times. His quietness can be frustrating to me.
But the majority of the time, we work.
That is how you know it is going well. And it is amazing.
When you see so many relationships gossiping about their man or woman, podcasters opining about the opposite sex, you often feel like you live in an alternate universe from the peace you have obtained.
That is why it mattered to me to create Iconic to combat some of the narratives about marriage.
When you find YOUR person, and the person you are with right now might not be them, you realize that some of the opinions out there come from a place of pain, sorrow and heartbreak.
We are here to help.
Political organizations will talk about broken homes and even advise that we need to “do” something. But who gives you the tools to actually win?
We do.
At Iconic, our vision is to revitalize, restore, and rebuild the institution of marriage through empowering men and women to build marriages that thive.
Our mission is to create thousands of wholesome marriages through our digital products, online content, book library and so much more.
Yet, we cannot do this without your funding.
With a donation of $25 or more, you can give to this mission and help others win at life, love, marriage and family.
In fact, strong families mean strong communities and a strong nation.
Let us build together so that we can have the America that makes us proud.
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