The Role of Emotions in a Healthy Marriage: Understanding the Power of Feelings

Managing Our Emotions is the Key to Marital Success

Oct 24, 2023

Good morning, Icons,

We are finishing up the month of October talking about emotions.

We started off with how the media influences our relationships and we are closing out over the next few weeks about what healthy relationships look like.

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The Role of Emotions in a Healthy Marriage: Understanding the Power of Feelings

We see the drama with celebrities and/or in our own relationships. We’ve heard of spouses leery of going home because the stress and conflict ready to ensue.

And then, there's exhaustion from a life of an unhealthy marriage being too much.

They are no longer happy or a team. They are no longer together and in a good mood.

We clearly see that with Jada and Will among others.

They are not a healthy union ready to take on the world from our observations. And that is sad.

But what does an actual healthy marriage look like?

For starters, we manage our emotions.

We have discussed over the past few weeks how the media influences our behaviors.

We dove deeper into emotional intelligence and how strong individuals know that having stable emotions can impact those around them.

Importantly, our feelings matter.

Some people can typically be so into their own emotions that we lose empathy for others.

That might work when you are ambitiously advancing in a career or trying to develop yourself.

However, emotional instability can destroy a healthy marriage and the lives that depend on your well-being.

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What does Handling Emotions look like in a healthy Way?

According to an article, “What Are Emotionally Healthy Relationships”, Tanya Peterson describes specific attributes that consistent in a healthy relationship.

You should look for these signs BEFORE tying the knot. It is a lot harder to divorce when problems arise.

We know no relationship is perfect, but a healthy one would possess more of these traits than not.

This list highlights what an emotionally healthy relationship is. These relationships are marked by:
A sense of “us” rather than “me”
Working toward common goals
Emotional understanding (one’s one as well as his/her partner’s)
Empathy
Mutual trust
Loyalty
Honesty
Mutual respect
Commitment
Healthy interdependence (needing each other, but not in an enmeshed, over-dependent way)
A sense of boundaries, personal space
A focus on the positive (emotions, thoughts, behaviors, situations)
Communication
Emotional security
Intimacy
Reciprocal, giving and taking equally
Kindness and caring
A sense of playfulness
Opportunities for fun
Humor, shared laughter
Affection
Compromise (What Are Emotionally Healthy Relationships? | HealthyPlace)

I know, many of these sounds obvious. But over the course of years together, many couples go through relationship neglect and many of these traits fall to the wayside.

We forget how to speak to each other loving, we stop affection (this is an emotional need), and we forget just how to have fun.

Emotionally stable relationships benefit both partners without one feeling like they are doing all of the work.

Our ability to feel and to create positive connections with our spouse is the glue that promotes a positive marriage atmosphere.

It is what your kids pick up on and understand about interpersonal relationships, too.

Emotional health is a win-win for your family.

Unhealthy Signs

We recognize unhealthy emotions through actions, words and deeds. When people consistently break promises, use abusive language and are inconsiderate of others, those are red flags to look out for.

What are other unhealthy patterns or things to watch out for?

Be sure to watch how you handle conflict. Conflict can bring out the ugly side of your marriage. It is usually unavoidable, but it happens.

Here are some signs,

Some emotionally unhealthy relationship behaviors, during conflict or outside of conflict, include:
Avoidance (of conflict, of compromise, of the other person)
Being more critical than positive and supportive
Stubbornness, inflexibility
Whining, demanding
Defensiveness
Forming unhealthy boundaries (too needy or too distant)
Creating more conflict than connection
Speaking more negatively than positively
Using more criticisms than compliments What Are Emotionally Healthy Relationships? | HealthyPlace

There are good and bad ways to deal with arguments. You must know how before you align your life with someone else. They weren’t raised like you and aren’t a carbon copy so you must understand conflict resolution in order to get through a lifetime of love together.

How to have an Emotionally Healthy Marriage

Iconic Marriages are ones of Vision. Understanding why you married each other, what your goals are and the love you made vows to keep, ensures that you two will do whatever it takes to manage emotions.

You will put the needs of your empire first.

You will show up every day to do the work.

You will be accountable for your actions, apologizing for your mistakes.

You will say no to things detrimental to you and your family.

You will seek God and professional help when you suspect problems.

You will also show God and your family gratitude when things go well.