Things I Never Force Our Kids To Do: A Compassionate Approach
Our Iconic Parenting Series answers your parenting questions.
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Things Kids Should Never Be Forced to Do: A Compassionate Approach
From my own experience, forcing people to do things never works. That includes kids. I have personally had better success with getting our children to do things when I was reasonable and presented incentives that motivated them to want to do the right thing.
Now, there are times when parents must lay down the law and things are always a no.
Knowing the difference and choosing your battles makes life a little easier for both kids and children.
As parents, our intentions are often rooted in love and concern for our children’s well-being. However, there are certain actions that kids should never be forced into. Let’s explore these sensitive areas, drawing inspiration from both practical wisdom and biblical principles.
1. Having Their Lives Filmed and Posted on YouTube
Children deserve privacy and autonomy. Respect their boundaries and avoid exploiting their lives for online content.
Here’s a video that breaks down some of the pitfalls when posting your children online.
2. Picking Sides in a Divorce
Shield children from parental conflicts. Allow them to love both parents without feeling pressured to take sides.
3. Choosing a Profession They Don’t Like
Encourage exploration and passion. Forcing a career path can lead to lifelong dissatisfaction.
4. Kissing Family Members Against Their Will
Teach consent early. Children should feel safe expressing their discomfort. This includes kissing, touching hair, hugging or being around adults and other children that make them uncomfortable. If a kid says no to hugs and kiss, let them know that is okay.
5. Religion
While introducing faith is essential and sets the groundwork should they choose to follow Christ, allow teens to explore and decide for themselves because ultimately their walk with God is on them.
6. Lessons in an Activity They Aren’t Interested In
Nurture their interests. Forcing piano lessons or soccer practice can backfire. Instead, be observant of the things they like and foster those interests saving everyone time, money and headaches.
7. Ear Piercings
Respect their bodily autonomy. Let them choose when and if they want piercings. For example, I have no ear piercings at 39. My parents did not get us ear piercings and we could decide when we are grown. Many things can be left up to kids waiting until they are grown and can make those decisions. Do not start the conversation late. Make sure you talk about all things about their body when they can understand that choices have consequences. Opt for other more temporary things.
8. Facing Their Fears
Encourage gently, but never force. Traumatic experiences can scar. Do not force them to swim, go on rollercoasters or touch bugs if that is something they do not want to do. You can make phobias and decisions worse. Just because older generations thought it was okay to do does not mean you have to do it, too.
9. Nicknames They Don’t Like
Words matter. Avoid hurtful nicknames. Instead, see if there are names that they like or words that matter. You can also let them learn why and how you chose their name and see if they enjoy writing their name in cool ways.
10. Solely Focused on All A’s
Not every child is an A student. While great marks are a ticket to scholarships and more, focus more on learning concepts and being able to apply them in real life. Let them know that grades are not the only metric with schoolwork and that other areas like athletes can open doors, too. Give them all options for careers and future work so that they can decide what is most important.
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Reviews
Reviewing Biblical Principles for Parenting:
Love and Honor God Above All Others
Love Your Children as Jesus Loves You
Unconditional love fosters emotional well-being.
Be a Faithful Steward
Recognize that children are entrusted to you by God.
Do Not Provoke Your Children
Avoid harshness and create a nurturing environment.
Teach God’s Word
Instill biblical values and wisdom.
Train Your Children to Follow Jesus
Encourage spiritual growth and character development.
Be Humble
Real-World Examples :
Practicing “The Pause”: When triggered by your child’s behavior, pause before responding impulsively2.
Rebuilding Connection: Transform rocky relationships into fulfilling marriages by rebuilding connection, resolving conflicts, and restoring love3.
Empowering Self-Bonding: Arica Angelo tackles taboo topics, empowering individuals to bond intimately with themselves and others3.
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