True Lies: What's Really Going on in Your Marriage?
How having a tough job and a family means balancing everything before it falls apart
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True Lies: What's Really Going on in Your Marriage?
When I shared the tango video that was in the movie “True Lies” with you guys on Tuesday, the movie flooded my brain with so many amazing memories.
I just love so much about it.
An interesting thriller pic with family, love, marriage and career choices all wrapped up into one. This is one of Arnold’s movies I think he completely nailed.
A secret agent movie, a rom com, a movie for the guy and girl in all of us with an amazing cast, RIP to Bill Paxton.
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And as I was thinking for the today’s newsletter, it hit me how we make so many assumptions about our marriages and don’t really know what is going on.
As a leader in the military, I was always taught trust but verify. Make sure the juniors did what was supposed to be done, even if they said they did it. It would save you both trouble just to make sure.
In the dinning facility, I was working on the paperwork one evening and my buddy was supposed to be supervising the soldiers. He didn’t really check behind them because they were the star underlings and just knew, they’d be good to go.
Big mistake.
We had a surprise inspect and got a 70% instead of a 100. And you think I was let off the hook since I was just doing the paperwork like I should have been? Nope.
Every leader, the dining facility manager, the head cook was UPSET.
The truth was, we didn’t do our job as supervisors. We didn’t know everything was okay.
We got hit on the little things because of course the big things were taken care of.
Has that happened in your relationship? Did so many little things start to stack up because you were doing the right little things?
You cooked, you cleaned, you paid bills, you went to work. You change dirty diapers.
But if something feels wrong, something is off.
You forgot the little things.
True Lies
If you haven’t seen True Lies, go find it and watch it, it is great.
A 1994 film by James Cameron director of Terminator and Avatar stars Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jamie Lee Curtis, Bill Paxton and Tom Arnold.
A very good action-comedy with suspense, adult content, dancing and fun.
To his wife, Helen, and his daughter Dana, Harry Tasker is a salesman for business software often away on business trips, but in actuality, he is a secret agent for Omega Sector, a top-secret U.S. counterterrorism agency. Harry, along with his teammates Albert "Gib" Gibson and Faisil, infiltrates a party in Switzerland hosted by billionaire Jamal Khaled. There, Harry meets Juno Skinner, who turns out to not only be Khaled's art dealer, but someone paid by "Crimson Jihad", a terrorist faction led by Salim Abu Aziz. Undercover as a potential buyer, Harry visits her, leading the terrorists to attempt to kill him. Harry fights them off but loses Aziz in pursuit. As a result, he misses the birthday party that Helen and Dana had planned for him. True Lies - Wikipedia
Imagine being an agent trying to save the world from terrorism, and this was pre-911 so there are many tropes, but your biggest worry is missing an event you promised not to miss with your spouse and kid.
That happens to many of us in the military, law enforcement and more. We must juggle our families and our patriotic duties without costs us either.
And Harry, lying for the umpteenth time, had no idea that today of all day’s a terrorist would be lost AND he would miss the party at home. His family was used to it but also upset.
Has that ever happened to you? You really meant what you said and meant to be there like you promised and for whatever reason you could not.
As leadership in the Army, keeping secrets were our job. This was even more so if you had a clearance of some kind. And it wasn’t always easy to lie to family about dates you were flying in and back from a warzone, telling soldiers what they needed to hear to perform or reassuring loved ones that everything would be fine when you had absolutely no idea.
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Yes, “True Lies” was a fictional movie with a lot of holes you could poke in the plot, but it points to how the lines between truth and lies come at the cost of our relationships and families if we aren’t care.
Spoiler Alert if you want to watch the movie for yourself.
Harry discovers that Aziz and his men are holding Dana hostage in a Miami skyscraper and are threatening to detonate their last warhead. Harry commandeers one of the jets to rescue her. Faisil gets into the building by posing as a news cameraman. When Faisil kills several of Aziz's men, Dana steals the missile control key and flees to the roof, eventually climbing a tower crane. Aziz pursues and nearly catches her before Harry arrives. Harry rescues Dana, and after a struggle with Aziz, he has him ensnared on the end of one of the plane's missiles, which Harry fires at a terrorist helicopter, killing Aziz and the remnants of Crimson Jihad. Harry, Helen, and Dana are safely reunited.
A year later, Harry and Helen are working together as Omega agents. While on a mission at a formal party, they encounter Simon, working as a waiter and pretending to be a spy. He runs away in fear after they reveal themselves and threaten to kill him. They dance while waiting for their contact and with Gib pleading with them to take their work seriously. True Lies - Wikipedia
Of course, everything worked out for the characters of our movie. But I still won’t spoil the bits that makes for interesting date night viewing.
All in all, the characters worked out what they had to, all be-it through a weird series of coincidences and events that could have been alleviated with more truth than lies.
Where does that leave you and your loved ones?
Here’s some tips for your Iconic relationship and how the truth can set you free:
Don’t ask questions you don’t want honest answers for: If you know those pants make your butt look fat in them, don’t play games asking your mate if they do. You already know how much you eat and diet. There is no need. Look at them in the mirror yourself. Be prepared to receive honesty and accept the truth, that person you asks loves you. And you can tell if they are lying to appease you anyway. Instead ask questions you want their honest opinin on and leave it there.
Be realistic: If you husband is a doctor, of course he will be on call and can’t have a date night until he is out of residency. Yes, sometimes she will need you to change a diaper. That’s your child too. Don’t want to do laundry, offer to do a chore they hate to balance it out. People can have awesome lives single, that’s true. So, make it worth wild that your spouse opted to be with you and balance the load together. Be honest and work together.
Date Wisely: Courting is the job interview. Use that time for less googlie eyes and more figuring out if this person is a match. I am not talking about sex or cohabitation, but actually learning who they are, their money habits, their religious values and parenting takes. Use that time to understand what life will be like with them, what their politics are and how they interact with their family. Discuss things with your elders and theirs. Dating is for fun but remember why courting matters or it can cost your heartache, pain and money in a divorce.
Don’t Ignore Red Flags: There are important signs that someone isn’t for you that don’t even involve you. Watch how they treat someone that does nothing for them. Look at how they manage money or take care of their own living space. How do the people closest to them talk about them? Do you spend a lot of time talking about important things or is your relationship only about having fun? How do they talk about men and/or women? Listen to hear the words they actually say. Do they love bomb you and then get mean? Pay attention. Love is Kind, Abuse isn’t.
What is the Vision for Your Marriage: If you two are already married, do you have a vision and/or mission statement? What is your plan for your family? How do you do holidays and career decisions? Would you be okay with moving away from other family members? Having a team meeting every few months to reassess goals and dreams is often important. A family meeting to check in each other’s feelings and choices may be in order if you haven’t had intimacy in a while, kids are bother you or you need a day off.
The Truth Is
You must balance career goals, family life and alone time to make it all work.
That doesn’t mean you can’t still have the marriage of your dreams if you want it.
You just have to be bold enough to tell the truth and remove the lies that others tell you that it can’t be done.
And while building your social empire, Iconic Media is here to help.
We just ask in everything you do, you be Iconic.
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