Valentine's 2024: 15 Tools to Demonstrate What Love Is

Day 15 of Our Iconic Women's Empowerment Series

Happy Valentine’s Day, Icons,

We hope that you are in a loving spirit today and we have a repost for you.

I hope that all of you are reaching your goals in life, love, marriage and life.

Let us Discuss.

Remember. Iconic is a community in which we feed off of the conversations and discussions we each bring to the table.

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Back to Basics: 15 Tools to Demonstrate What Love Is

As my husband and I came back home from our weekend away, I jumped on Twitter to see what people were talking about.

And as usual, there was craziness on that bird app.

I don’t know why I think that it could be a normal day there. I guess this is the norm.

Conversations from abusiveness, pumping gas, controlling and toxicity were just up and down my timeline.

I decided to go back to the simple basics of “What is Love?” and how can we know we are in a loving relationship (and for those who are single, what to look out for).

We are going to pull from 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 out the Holy Bible because it puts the definition of love so simply that even non-Christians and Christians alike can understand.

We need to know what love is and what it looks like in a healthy relationship to cultivate the type of love that can last generations.

Maybe then we can have elevated conversations that actually advance us to better marriages than to give us nothing but headaches.

Let us dive in and consider these words.

Tool #1: Love is Patient

Patience is a virtue for a reason. Being easily to jump in and out of our emotions is not a level of mature of adults but more so that of children that cannot handle that stress of life.

Psychology Today explains:

Patience is a lifelong spiritual practice as well as a way to find emotional freedom.

You are not bound by your immediate feelings. When you love someone, you give them grace and mercy you want to receive because we are human. You are not quick but have the sort of calm and timely manner in respect for the feelings you both share.

The article goes on to say,

But with patience, you’re able to step back and regroup instead of aggressively reacting or hastily giving up on someone who’s frustrating you. You’re able to invest meaningful time in a relationship without giving up or giving in. In fact, patience gives you the liberating breath you’ve always longed to take. The Power of Patience | Psychology Today

In a loving marriage, each spouse takes their time in making exact decisions, in using their words and being in total control.

You cannot love someone if you get easily stressed out by having to do the work of being in a lifelong commitment with someone not yourself.

Tool #2: Love is Kind

Pumping gas, taking out the trash, or cooking a long meal are all acts of kindness. None of these things are a requirement but are act that spouse show their other just how important they are to them.

Someone who sacrifices their time and energy doing those things, that most times you would have to do yourself if you lived alone, means that you matter enough to them to make them activate.

It is not an entitlement to do things for the one you love. In fact, that is the bare minimum.

Jesus requires us to love one another, meaning to be kind. So to be kind to your mate is not even EROS or romantic love but simple PHILO or brotherly, common human to human love.

You should never look at acts of kinds as controlling or oppression when coming from someone that cares about you to the point they vowed only for you before a Holy God.

Respect their efforts, match them with your own and discuss what you both expect.

Tool #3: Love Does not Envy

Envy is not just simple jealous but an even deeper desire for something that belongs to someone else. Wanting what you cannot or do not have is not love. You are supposed to care about your mate, that means you are not resentful of what they had: maybe they had a two-parent household, and you didn’t, they didn’t grow up in poverty or they went to a nice school.

You are not looking at them someone who got something you should have or deserved. Instead, you are grateful them in your life and that they are with you.

You two can create new traditions, memories and wealth.

You don’t harbor ill-intentioned bitterness. You do not hold on to bad thoughts and pain.

You love them as they are with you.

Tool #4: Love Does not Boast

In modern times, people over emphasized their accomplishments. That has increased the tensions between the genders to the point that many women are alone.

Many women, erroneously, think that men cannot “handle” a woman who does things and works. Some men, that maybe the case. But mostly it is the boasting nature.

And that can turn women off to men as well.

Boasting means,

talk with excessive pride and self-satisfaction about one's achievements, possessions, or abilities:

It is one thing to know your own worth and what you have done. It is another to be condescending acting as if others are beneath you.

There is no such thing as someone “out of your league”. People are people and we choose ones that fit our lifestyles better. Rich people tend to date other rich people because the other does not need their money, so they can trust that the marriage is genuine and that is who they are around any way (other rich people).

Putting the things, you have done in someone’s face makes you seem like you got this thing called life and do not need to be with someone.

Love wants someone to share in their successes not to be a put down.

Tool #5: Love is not Proud

There are a few definitions of proud like being happy you have children when the doctors told you that you were infertile.

But the proud that is not loving is the one that,” having or showing a high or excessively high opinion of oneself or one's importance:”

It is similar to boasting in that you put too much stock in yourself to the point that you become negative to those around you. You act as if what you have or have done makes you above others.

You get upset having to do things for your spouse as if they are less than you. You think treating your other with kindness is a prison and overbearing. You forget why you do those nice things and why your spouse depends on you.

The problem with this is that you miss their humanity. You miss what they have to offer and what they can contribute to a marriage. You become so self-involved that you forget your own obligations and vows to meet their needs as their spouse.

Being proud makes you forget that you can bleed and die one day too and all those things you think makes you self-important can’t go with you.

Tool #6: Love does not dishonor others

When someone asks you why would you show your naked body to stranger, it is because it brings dishonor and shame onto your relationship.

Honor is a promise we make to ourselves, our mates and in front of God and family in our vows.

That is why we do not do things that can look and bring negativity to our households. We care about them enough to make sure that the moral character, respect and high esteem of our family name gets carried out in our actions.

We live by our word. We hold our relationship high, and we take accountability for our wrongs to make them right.

This is how we and other demonstrate love days today.

Tool #7: Love is not self-seeking.

Self-seeking is putting our own interests before those of others. People seem to get that when it comes to having children and forget in marriage it is mostly about our spouse. If I put my husband first and he does me, we are both taken care of.

This does not mean when forgo self-care and ignore our own needs. It just means that they are not first. But if I am taking care of my husband and children at the level that I should be, and he is doing the same. All of us win in the end.

People misunderstand marriage and think that it is all about one spouse getting everything or the other. This is not healthy or balanced.

Toxicity is the “yes dear” mentality that you just cater to the other spouse or the “Happy wife, happy life” nonsense that makes men stepping stones for bad women.

No happy spouse, happy house.

Everyone working toward mutual love, honor and respect makes everything better for everyone all around.

MRS. Pinky’s Thoughts

In 2017 I got tired of the political landscape and began saying something on Twitter to help others. My love for country and sympathy for those suffering in many communities nationwide compelled me to speak out about issues facing citizens each day.

“Mrs. Pinky’s Thoughts” is my 3rd eBook coming in a series of authored books to motivate, encourage and empower you. These works help fund the work here and allow me to show up in a unique way to effect change.

Get your copy in now at the button below.

Tool #8: Love is not easily angered.

Frustrations happen. Things will never fully go our way. But a person who is easily angered cannot love because they have no handle on their emotions.

It takes discipline to live with someone else because they are not you. They do not think like you or see things as you will.

And that is okay.

Men are not women and women are not men. We will never think the same. But with love, we are patient and can calming solve issues.

Those with quick temps act rashly and some actions you cannot come back from.

A California mother of six died one day before Mother's Day after she rear-ended her boyfriend's car during a lovers'-spat-turned-car-chase in Anaheim and was thrown from her vehicle, according to police.

Some arguments end with the loss of life.

'Yesterday we lost a daughter, sister, niece, aunt, cousin, grandmother and an amazing mother that left behind 6 kids in a tragic accident,' she wrote on the fundraising page. 'Didi was such a happy and loving person always willing to help everyone and anyone she could. It is with a heavy heart that I ask for any help for my uncles so they may lay their daughter to rest.' 

Tool #9: Love keeps no record of wrongs

When you say your forgave a situation, you move on. You don’t keep bringing it up to beat your spouse over the head. You don’t keep torturing them with the past.

Forgiveness is a requirement of Christians just like Christ took our sins to the cross.

Sometimes we want the mercy of others as we give out judgement. If you cannot forgive others, it will be harder for you to be forgive as well.

Tool#10: Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth

We cannot say we love if we celebrate evil. Evil is wrong and it wreaks havoc on our world and in our interpersonal relationships.

We must stand up for truth and be the truth in a world full of chaos and that starts in our homes.

We cannot be the light of the world by dance for evil. That does not show how we love one another and definitely not our spouse.

The truth may hurt sometimes, and there is away to be tactful when we are telling our loved ones the truth.

Live in truth so that you do not have to hide and run from lies.

Tool #11: Love always protects

You should feel safe with someone that says they love you. Someone earlier today tried to explain away domestic violence as love just because they moved passed it.

My husband threw a chair and shouted at me yesterday. I thought... if this was on film, I could make him look like a monster. But it doesn't change the fact that he's the best man I know.

https://twitter.com/redrayne/status/1653064498629029891?s=20

No.

You should never tolerate abuse and it comes in many forms.

Abuse is emotional, physical and financial. It is mean to dominate, control and to disempower.

We do not tolerate abuse or the excuses for abuse. Instead we promote love here that protects and makes household safe spaces for bot spouses and kids.

Tool #12 : Love always trusts

Trust is an assurance on someone else. Why did you marry them if they cannot be trusted? People will show you who they are, believe them.

Do not make a vow with someone who cannot be assured to do right by you. That makes no sense.

You should not be worried about your spouse’s ability to be faithful, what they do with money, being around the kids or doing their chores.

They are not your children that need to be monitored. And it is toxic if you have to go through phones, emails or social media DMs.

Lack of trust is not the foundation of an Iconic marriage and is recipe for disasters.

Tool #13: Love always hopes

Hope is an expectation of something. So to love is to have an expectation in your spouse. You expect them to do what they say they will do. You expect them to show up on time. You expect them to to fulfil their vows.

You can never truly know that your spouse won’t lie, cheat or steal. But your love hopes.

Now it is not blind hope in someone that has shown you they cannot meet your expectations or who has proven they cannot be trusted.

Love always hopes in a better tomorrow, a better future and faith is that substance.

Having faith in a person comes with understand who they are and them showing you like God does.

Tool #14: Love always perseveres.

Love is not like lusts that can come and go. Love lasts over decisions, over grown children, over medical situations and changes in life.

Love perseveres over the grief of a dead child to content to win.

Love is over the long-haul, over extreme pain like child-birth or an accident. It keeps us going when all else fails us.

Love does not walk away from commitments when it would be easy and reasonable to do so. Love endures to the end. The world has a lot of starters but very few finishers. Love finishes the race. Love does not give up. Love does not quit. Love perseveres in the battle against evil because it wants to win the victory.

LOVE ALWAYS PERSEVERES | VirtueOnline – The Voice for Global Orthodox Anglicanism

Tool #15: Love never fails

We frequently believe that we love someone when, in fact, we do not. We may believe that we love our children, spouse, or wife, but if our actions do not reflect this, we do not truly love them. This is why it is critical to understand what God defines as love.

In order to know “What Love is?”, we must know God. Because to know Him is to know Love.

And for it to never fail we must have an example of love never failing us.

In the Bible, there are over 300 passages that talkes about the love of God and how much He first loved us.

In knowing this, we know that Love exists, and it is possible.

There are 4 types of love: Agape (love God has for us), Eros (romantic Love), Philo (Brotherly, a love for humanity), Storge (a parents love for their children).

Each of these are a love that does not stop.

The word "fail" can be misleading; as it might give the impression that some of God's prophecies will not occur. The Greek for "fail," katargeo, is defined as, "1. to render idle... 2. to cause to cease" (Thayer's Greek Lexicon). Notice the following renderings—"they will cease" (NIV), "they will be caused to cease" (Literal Translation Version), "they shall pass away" (English Standard Version). What is Hope and Why it is So Crucial to Faith (biblestudytools.com)

This means that the verse means, a love that does not cease. A love that goes on forever. A love like my grandparents where my grandma still longed for my grandfather in 2011 on her death bed some 21 years after her husband passed.

People who say they have fallen “out of love”, that is not the kind of love we are talking about.

Love is not like that. You can love someone and let them go because what they are doing is not conducive to a healthy marriage: cheating or abandonment.

True love, from these verses when put together mimics the love God has for us in which He put on human form and died for us.

The church is his bride.

That is the type of love here.

Key Ideas

Love is many things. And people on social media are going back and forth because they have forgotten how high the standard of love is for us in all our interpersonal relationships especially marriage in which we vowed to love someone. forever.

That is why there is these petty arguments to dismiss toxicity, to tolerate abuse and to get upset at acts of kindness.

If we truly understood all that this eros love required, we would be most choosey when it came to who we gave it to and when.

If we fully get what it takes to display, to live and to build in authentic honest love, we will not need to quarrel over royal treatments, oppression, victimhood and mess.

An Iconic marriage is one build on real love and the world is lack much of it today.

That is why Iconic Media hold you and all of us to a higher standard because it is needed to save our households, communities and possibly a nation.

That is why I remind you every newsletter, in everything you do, Be Iconic.

Iconic Marriage Valentine's Day Giveaway: 1 Grand Prize Winner

Every month we at Iconic are doing work to reignite, restore and rebuild American sentiment in the areas of life, love, marriage and family.

February is no exception.

Our Giveaway

We are giving away 25 access passes to our Iconic Formula for Marriage Success online course powered by Gumroad.com.

The cost is normally $100.

We are giving away this course to encourage families this month to hold on to their Iconic marriage through these trying modern time. We are their support system with a 12-step blueprint to see them through.

There is more!

When we reach our goal of $2500 during this month, we will select 1 Grand Prize Couple to give a $100 to for a Valentine’s Gift to them.

As always, every donor will receive a reward below.

We believe in the spiritual law of sowing and reaping. When you give, you receive. The more we can share in this work, the more we can help others.

Bonus: When you give today, you get a copy of our eBook “Mrs. Pinky’s Thoughts” as a bonus gift. Make sure you click another away, too.

Donate $25 or more at the button below.

Happy Valentine’s Day from our Iconic Family to yours!