What I wish I knew: Be ready to get married
Marriage is no joke.
I wish I knew how hard it was to become the leading lady in a man's heart. I wish I knew that times are different, and society has more expectations on women than they realize.
I wish I knew myself and what I could and could not handle. I wish I knew you need more than just love to make it workday in and day out.
I wish I knew how much there would be to do to rear kids, to run a household, to balance budgets, to deal with other institutions like hospitals, schools and churches.
I wish I knew how strong I actually was.
I wish I knew how hard it was for my husband who did not have married parents.
I wish I knew how much men actually need women to understand them and that they are unlike us.
I wish I knew how important communicating in a way differently than you are used to matters.
I wish I knew that love isn't the only important emotion.
I am here so you don't have so many wishes. Welcome!
Truth about Marriage
You are binding your soul to that of another with different experiences than you, different baggage, different viewpoints, just different.
And the plan is to do it forever. Without going through anything that life has to throw at you yet, you must decide who will be by your side for this long and unpredictable ride.
And if making such a long-term investment, many take it for grant.
You see, your spouse is the ONLY family you get to choose. You don't choose the people that birth you or the people you birth.
And yet people rush headfirst in, either to have sex protected by religious rules or to continually have the OxyContin that comes when you're in new love.
Either way too much too soon and you will quickly spiral because the things in place to create stability aren't there and worst yet, you can cause pain and hurt to those around you looking for a way to exit.
Did you know lots of cheating and breaking up are cowards' way to end something that you don't know how to get out of?
Yup, people would look to the hills for the first exit if they failed to vet, failed to plan and failed to honestly get to know who they plan to cherish their lives with and mistakes are mistakes, many are preventable if we do the work.
Is good marriage planning perfect? Heck, no.
But we can work our darndest to mitigate the issues that can arise best we can if we choose the right people, know what we want, stick to our boundaries and think past our lonely tingles.
Marriage is not for the faint of heart.
Even St Paul says "If you must marry" meaning it is something we don't even have to do!
I would love nothing more for people to learn from my mistakes and those mistakes of others so they can duplicate my successes and that of others so we can fix homes, better families and better our country.
And it can be amazingly fun.
As I snuggle with my husband on the couch drifting off to sleep at night watching an old episode of Bob Ross saying, "happy little accidents", I am truly blessed and forever grateful where I am.
And I did not get here easily. Its fact, at one point my husband and I called it quits when we were first starting out and it was supposed to be all over.
Marriage is not something you can wish to work. Yes, you can pray to God, you can talk to a therapist, and you can do all the right work, but with the wrong one, it is bound to be a disaster.
Too many times I have seen people dive headfirst into marriages the rest of us could see were disastrous.
Why couldn't those involved see it could be bad? What keeps some marrying over and over again to fail?
Don't worry. This newsletter is to help you the best we can. And then it's up to you to do the work.
Faith is nice, but faith without works is dead faith. You cannot just believe something will work.
You have to do the work.
And love conquers all if you are willing to let it.
Here are some tips for those of you who are wondering how to get ready for marriage, what can I do to prepare and are asking yourself if its time or should you a wait.
Because it is easy to tell you WHAT to do but I will also show you HOW.
According to Preparing for Marriage? 8 Tips for Successful Marriage - When Women Inspire by relationship expert Rachael Pace
1. Communicate like there is no Tomorow
2. Maintain a Marital Friendship- Don't just love each, also like one another
3. Take Marriage Classes- They are to help you understand what you are about to do
4. Spend Quality Time together- Make room in your schedule for just you two
5. Set Goals as a Couple- And put a date to those goals and meet them as best you can
6. Get your finances in order- Pay down debt, save for the wedding if must, start savings
7. Talk about expectations- Even about how many kids, how much weight, what to do if someone gets sick, house division of labor, disciplining children, religious environment, everything
8. Be partners in every sense of the word- Respecting their opinions, seeking their advice, making decision together.
You can do this.
You can do this successfully.
With the right mindset, the right attitude and of course, the right person the sky is the limit.
And it can be happiness unrealized.
I tell you what I didn't know that I wish I had.
One surprising thing is, I never knew how happy I'd be.
And all the things I learned the hard way were all worth the happiness I have now.
I wish you nothing but the best as we walk this journey to learn and grow together.
Iconic is a newsletter to empower men and women to have successful marriages that thrive for a meaningful legacy.
The marriage stats are not good in the United States and around the world.
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