Why Self-Confidence is the Key to Overcoming Adversity and Never Giving Up
Day 4 of our Iconic Women's Empowerment Series
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Why Self-Confidence is the Key to Overcoming Adversity and Never Giving Up
We started this week with talking about self-esteem and why it matters. But sometimes our esteem is okay, we just lack confidence in our abilities.
Self-confidence is our personal view of how we think we can do something.
You make like yourself, your personality, your appearance, your family or job but lack the confidence that you can do things like marriage, a new career or something out of your comfort zone.
And in that lack of confidence, you can turn toxic, seeking external validation for thing things that you should get from within. You pick up bad habits, mess with drugs, hook up with the wrong men and everything just is all bad.
Importantly, we look for the confidence in our personal relationships and put the weight of such feelings on someone else.
That is unfair to them. “Self” implies that these ideals come from us first.
Self-Confidence must come from within or problems we face can take us out.
My Story
In June of 2006, I joined the United States Army. I was not the most athletic in the least and everything they asked of my seemed so hard.
I have zero to love self-confidence. Why wouldn’t I? I had already failed college; I couldn’t keep any romantic relationships and I had no direction in my life.
I had thought lowly of me.
And I had a fear of heights. I was on an obstacle course that required us to crawl across a rope very high up and I was fed up with them asking so much of me day in and day out.
My instructor was yelling at me. Yet, I didn’t not care. I wasn’t going to do it. My body froze like a scare goat that tips over.
They brought out our highest leader who started to cheer me on. Then my buddies at the bottom cheered me on. I was getting ready to let myself down and my team down.
I was letting my fear overcome my results. I was going to give up.
Don’t Give UP: Our Iconic Campaign Work
On January 27, Iconic Media is partnering with the Conscious Conservative Movement to you our offline work.
We are giving 25 print copies out to locals in the Atlanta, GA area at our Black Homeschooling Event to empower local parents in homeschooling and in marriage.
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Strategies to Have Self-Confidence in the Modern Era
Women are often expected to do a lot: look good, be kind, be nurturing, and be gentle. The demands on modern womanhood have us trying to balance careers, children, marriages, weight, hormones, sleep, stress, and on.
We can collapse under the amount we are expected to do and do well.
That’s where our self-confidence has to kick in, so we can do what must be done.
Remember Your Why: When I was at that rope, I had two choices: finish it or fail. I had to remember why I was on the thing in the first place, to secure my future. To have a job that I had a purpose in that I was proud of. Standing in my way was fear or success, I had to do something. And I started to crawl. Why? Because I put my reason ahead of my fear. My confidence came from remember why I signed up to the Army in the first place.
Use Positive Affirmations: Proverbs 18:21 says “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” This means that we have power in what we say. In the Army we say, “I will never quit. I will never accept defeat”. That is part of the Warrior Ethos. They teach us this, so it sticks with us as soldiers no matter the mission. In life, you must speak positivity whether it is in finding a relationship, having great success or birthing your kids. We speak our truth out of our mouths from our hearts. If we say we can’t, we won’t. If we say we can, we will at least show up. Stop speaking negativity over your life, out of bad emotions and terrible experiences. Use your voice to give you power even when no one else is around or believes in you. That is how I started to move on that rope!
Know the facts: People before me on the rope did it successfully. Those who pushed themselves and went ahead made it. Why then did I doubt I could? I never been on this type of obstacle course, and I assumed the worse while watching others do it. The fact is, I was focused on the wrong things. Kids with higher self-confidence do welll in sports and in school. People who are confident do better in emergencies and in life. Know that having self-confidence is your key to winning and you won’t let anything negative stand in your way.
Remember your History/Elders: When I remember the women who had to fight in past military wars or stateside, I know they had to endure a lot. The first Black women to serve had to face sexism and racism to get the job done. I knew if these brave women could do the work, so could I. It wasn’t being Black or being female that was in my way, it was my mindset. I had to remember my history of overcoming challenges in my life and remember my mother, my grandmother who did great things. I came from a lineage of brave women who did what they had to to survive. I kept sliding down the rope, fear still there.
Understand the True Meaning of Courage: When we are afraid, we think that means we get out of the task ahead. That our fear gets to dictate our moves. That not why we are afraid. We are afraid of what could be. What could happen if I did become a soldier? Would I have to be a leader one day? Would I be expected to do more things like this? Understanding that the true meaning of courage is to to win in spite of our fears is to be brave. It doesn’t mean that the fear leaves us but that we don’t let it win. Women aren’t usually thought of as military members. Sometimes we don’t see gear for us or we don’t see positive images. But we do it anyway. We are pilots, cooks, doctors, teachers, mothers, coaches, leaders. We can be in a healthy marriage that thrives in the modern era. We just have to do the work and not be afraid when the time comes.
Drown out the noise from internal/external naysayers: There were people who expected me to fall. They were below me saying things like I’d give up or that the leaders where wasting time on me. I had to stop hearing them. I had to literally drown them out. I had to stop hearing my own self-doubt and pity. Feeling sorry for myself wasn’t going to work anymore. We must stop listening to negativity, to our haters, to our distractors and not give them a reason why. We have to own our decisions and own the path we are on. Haters will exist. Bad advice, bad social media posts, discouraging words about our gender make us give up and give in. We have nothing to prove to anyone but ourselves. Focus on your goal and get it done.
Do it Anyway: As I was crawling to the end, I started to feel encouraged and wondered why I was even hesitant to begin with. What else was I supposed to be doing that day? Yes, I have a fear of heights but how else would I get to the other side. Was I waiting for someone to rescue me like a helpless baby? Was I really a warrior? It didn’t matter. The mission was to crawl across the rope and get it done.
So, I got it done. I did it. I successfully finished the course to cheers and celebrations from other buddies below me. I did what needed to be done. If your baby needs you, your coworkers or your own body, get done what you need to be done. It might not feel great in the current time but you will be blessed when you finish. That’s why each newsletter I ask about your goals. That’s to keep them in the forefront of your mind. Get done what you need to get done.
You can Do it
Self-Confidence only can come from within. By doing each task little by little in boot camp, they built my confidence as a soldier.
I had to do the work.
None of the training would have worked if I didn’t step up to get it done. And today, I incorporate that confidence in everything I do. I don’t care what some guy says about women on social media, they don’t define me.
That’s how women should speak to themselves.
When you grab on to self-confidence, like high self-esteem, you walk different, you talk different, you move different, and you win. That’s why soldiers march the way they do, their uniform looks crisp, and their head is held high.
It is the work they put in, the time and push they’ve dug deep into, and the wins they have that they wear proudly and face battles with. You can face anything ladies and do what God has called you to do if you believe in yourself.
And that makes you Iconic.
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